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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

RavenFlight BRONZE said...
on Sep. 8 2012 at 3:07 pm
RavenFlight BRONZE, Aroda, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You can&#039;t have a paw in two worlds&quot; -Firestar from Warriors.

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omg this is hillarious
TickTockBANG SILVER said...
on Sep. 4 2012 at 4:05 pm
TickTockBANG SILVER, Botkins, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I believe that what doesn&#039;t kill you simply makes you... stranger.&quot; --Joker

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This gave me giggles :D
Thatdaydreamer GOLD said...
on Sep. 3 2012 at 8:40 am
Thatdaydreamer GOLD, Peterborough, Other
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Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;You can make anything by writing.&rdquo; <br /> ― C.S. Lewis

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aha this is so funny!
Santos BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2012 at 11:21 am
Santos BRONZE, Austin, Texas
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Don&#039;t Sweat My Triple &quot;G&quot; Swaggg fam!

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Lawl That's so right! LuL
RandiRose SILVER said...
on Aug. 30 2012 at 9:49 pm
RandiRose SILVER, New York, New York
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Favorite Quote:
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

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Ahaha very good! Check out my "Skylar West and the Seven Runaways" A Modern Snow White Story!
ofpaintedroses GOLD said...
on Aug. 26 2012 at 3:00 pm
ofpaintedroses GOLD, Berne, Indiana
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i love everything
ariel_the_mermaid BRONZE said...
on Aug. 24 2012 at 5:03 pm
ariel_the_mermaid BRONZE, Twinsburg, Ohio
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you write much better than stephanie meyer :P good job, i love it(:
ShelbyRoo19967170 said...
on Aug. 13 2012 at 5:17 pm
ShelbyRoo19967170, Smithville, Texas
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Favorite Quote:
&quot;And though she be but little, she is fierce.&quot; - William Shakespeare

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Omg....this is SOOOOO funny!! XD Double thumbs up!!
MaeSilver SILVER said...
on Aug. 13 2012 at 11:20 am
MaeSilver SILVER, Columbia, Maryland
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Oh jeeze, too great!
MakeMyWaffles GOLD said...
on Jul. 28 2012 at 3:30 pm
MakeMyWaffles GOLD, Cleveland, Ohio
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nice lol.
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 24 2012 at 12:48 pm
LongLazyDays55 BRONZE, Other, Other
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I haven&#039;t failed. I just haven&#039;t found 10,000 ways that won&#039;t work. [Thomas Edison]<br /> <br /> When words fail, music speaks.

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Ok, I'll admit I haven't read Twilight. YET. But I've seen a bit of the movie. This was so cool and I'd love if it became a film. Keep writing! :)
ladybugsrock SILVER said...
on Jul. 22 2012 at 10:05 pm
ladybugsrock SILVER, Billings, Montana
6 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.&quot; <br /> -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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wowthat a great story!! please rwd my novel, A Journey Far From Home! Thank You!!

 

La..di da...la... said...
on Jul. 22 2012 at 9:44 pm
I like this a lot! Showed mother... And sis... They liked it to. Mother interrupted my reading and we raced to read next lines.... I won..... She won...... I won....and so on.... You should check out a poem about snow called Mistress of the Ice Flowers... :D
JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 7:30 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
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Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, &#039;I just don&#039;t care.&#039;?&quot;

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OMG! This is halarious. I meam I'm a Twi-Hard but the way this dumbs the series down is so funny.  Love it!
kindlegirl GOLD said...
on Jul. 12 2012 at 11:24 am
kindlegirl GOLD, Iberia, Missouri
10 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
signing off as usual kindlegirl

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Dude it's awesome thx for not making oit so drama attached as the real Twilight saga. Congrats
sallysunshine said...
on Jul. 11 2012 at 9:45 pm
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Kestrel PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 9 2012 at 4:42 pm
Kestrel PLATINUM, Warrenton, Virginia
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Favorite Quote:
-There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. (Shakespeare, Hamlet)

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Funny! I hated Twilight, so i agree.
Nemaidez BRONZE said...
on Jul. 7 2012 at 9:15 pm
Nemaidez BRONZE, Wichita Falls, Texas
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I read this to my English class & they thought it was amazing, it really is hilarious! :) Thnx.
BlackRosePetalz SILVER said...
on Jul. 7 2012 at 1:27 am
BlackRosePetalz SILVER, Miramar, Florida
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Heh...I chuckled. :) I'd love to see this play acted out. And I agree with one of these comments: your next one should be the Hunger Games.
AbbyOliver6 BRONZE said...
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AbbyOliver6 BRONZE, New York, New York
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LOL!!!!!! SO FUNNY!!!!