The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1985 comments.


on Jan. 5 2013 at 12:14 pm
idontusethisaccountxxx, Appleton, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments
Twilight is SOOOO much more than that!!!!!!!! Have you read the books????

on Dec. 29 2012 at 6:03 pm
EvanLaine BRONZE, Valparaiso, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am not afraid to keep on living. I am not afraid to walk this world alone. Honey if you stay you&#039;ll be forgiven. Nothing you can say can stop me going home -MCR <br /> <br /> Why must we fall apart to understand how to fly? -Evanescence

I love you... just... yes this is perfect. words cannot describe the joy that brought me :p

on Dec. 19 2012 at 6:40 pm
writtenmusic202 SILVER, Nahant, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things.&quot;

Quite possibly one of the best things I have read. Great job, I should have just read this instead of the books :) good job!!

on Dec. 13 2012 at 8:34 am
Alexx830 BRONZE, Louisville, Kentucky
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Calm you&#039;re tits<br /> That&#039;s what she said.

Well done! i really liked it xD i like how stupid edward is as well bravo

on Dec. 11 2012 at 3:02 pm
Dreamer_ SILVER, Milton On, Other
7 articles 10 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;We&#039;re all mad here&quot; ~ Cheshire Cat<br /> <br /> &quot;Whats your dream?&quot;<br /> &quot;To go, away.&quot; ~ Surfs Up.

Lol that was awesome.

on Dec. 10 2012 at 8:48 pm
I have to say that your story is probably the best thing that has ever been created lol Like I laughed so hard. Oh my goodness. And pretty much what you had in there was how it went. HAHAHA it was just amazing (: - Courtney

on Dec. 9 2012 at 4:56 pm
iam4evermyself PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
20 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Hope. It is the only thing greater than fear. A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is okay, as long as it&#039;s contained.&quot;

HAHAHAHA OMG THAT IS SO FUNNY!!! NICE JOB :)

on Dec. 9 2012 at 5:18 am
CharlieBalzary SILVER, Cape Town, Other
6 articles 3 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It is the writer who might catch the imagination of young people, and plant a seed that will flower and come to fruition.&quot;

To say this is awsome would be a massive understatement. This fully incapsulates the banality of the entire saga. This dialogue would have made for a better movie experience, as far as I'm concerned. Bravo dude!

MatieKae GOLD said...
on Dec. 7 2012 at 11:33 am
MatieKae GOLD, Strafford, Missouri
10 articles 12 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Today you are you and that is truer than true, there is no one alive who is youer than you.&quot;<br /> -Dr. Seuss<br /> <br /> &quot;The pen is mightier than the sword.&quot;

Haha oh that's too funny! But so true, I love how accurate it is, it makes it even more amusing!!

poemluv BRONZE said...
on Dec. 4 2012 at 11:19 am
poemluv BRONZE, Coolidge, Arizona
2 articles 4 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When the world shout &#039;give up&#039; hope whipers &#039;try it one more time&#039;&quot;

ahahahaha!! I love it! XD

on Dec. 3 2012 at 4:07 pm
BlackNether12, San Ignacio, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Try for the utmost, because you&#039;re worth no less - Jeremiah Ludwig.

Seemed like a pretty sick joke on Twilight . . . but it was well written.

on Dec. 1 2012 at 9:44 am
Amanda_T BRONZE, Dayton, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 6 comments
Gods, I'm laughing so hard! First thing I red on Teenink and that makes me extremely happy! xD

on Nov. 27 2012 at 8:52 pm
ProcrastinatingSlams SILVER, Daphne, Alabama
7 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I was busting out laughing until the very end, well done.

on Nov. 27 2012 at 5:17 pm
LaurenD. BRONZE, Cambridge, Other
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it&#039;s all a dream and pretend like it&#039;s not hurting me. ~ Anonymous

SO true! Melodramatic and I love it! :)

JulesC GOLD said...
on Nov. 25 2012 at 10:40 pm
JulesC GOLD, Orlando, Florida
14 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It was clich&eacute;, he knew, but he meant it classic.&quot; ~S.E. Hinton (Some of Tim&#039;s Stories)

That saved me from wasting half of my life having to reading the series. Thank you, this was awesome

BellaCharlie said...
on Nov. 23 2012 at 6:35 pm
BellaCharlie, Osler, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;! <br /> -Audrey Hepburn

This is hilarious and accurate.  I love it.

on Nov. 14 2012 at 9:18 am
J33P3R5CR33P3R, Hampton, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
For the Good of The Allies, He Does The Ubsurd...

It's amazing how accurate this is. XD

katya4 said...
on Nov. 5 2012 at 11:37 am
'Silver Curtains'! It chronicles the 2012 elections. A sexual political satire at thegreaterbooks.

on Nov. 2 2012 at 7:09 am
amelia.estaire SILVER, Osceola, Indiana
7 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I take real people and put them in extraordinary situations.&quot; - Robert Cormier

soo funny! and also very acurate.

on Nov. 1 2012 at 1:32 pm
XiuhcoatlKalmerdraestrien, Tampa, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Math is not to make complicated things simple, but simple things complicated.&quot; ~Albert Einstein~

This was hilarious and absurd, but completely accurate. I loved it :)