The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
From the Diary of Chillingworth
By arielc524 GOLD
Montvale, New Jersey
arielc524 GOLD, Montvale, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
Home Again
By azvampiregirl SILVER
Mesa, Arizona
azvampiregirl SILVER, Mesa, Arizona
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
5th Twilight:Glistening Sin (Renesmee's Story) chapter 1
By dkA.M SILVER
Vail, Arizona
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
View profile
Fiction
Scrat Man
By jeter95 BRONZE
Roslyn, New York
jeter95 BRONZE, Roslyn, New York
4 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you&#039;re going to play at all, you&#039;re out to win. Baseball, board games, playing Jeopardy, I hate to lose.&quot;

View profile
Fiction
The Real End to the Cinderella Story
By Anonymous
Fiction
The World's Greatest Detective
By Justtosubmit? GOLD
San Francisco, California
Justtosubmit? GOLD, San Francisco, California
11 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

Kewdee19 said...
on Feb. 19 2013 at 3:56 pm
Briliant! I wish I'd come up with it first, but now I shall have fun sharing it will all my friends that also don't like Twilight :)
Miniterror GOLD said...
on Feb. 19 2013 at 8:41 am
Miniterror GOLD, Yuma, Arizona
10 articles 1 photo 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.&quot; John 3:16

View profile
That is hilarious. I'm not really a fan of the twilight saga, but this is as much as I know about it. It does actually seem to stick to the story line.
BellaCharlie said...
on Feb. 18 2013 at 4:14 pm
BellaCharlie, Osler, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;! <br /> -Audrey Hepburn

View profile
I could not stop laughing!  I loved how you basically burned Twilight, but kept it light and funny. I hope this gets made into a movie someday.
Misskrose BRONZE said...
on Feb. 15 2013 at 5:04 pm
Misskrose BRONZE, Seattle, Washington
1 article 1 photo 1 comment
View profile
This is awesome! I've never read the books and this is like something you'd see in Mad.
Sabeen_Yameen SILVER said...
on Feb. 15 2013 at 9:18 am
Sabeen_Yameen SILVER, Karachi, Other
9 articles 10 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you want something you have never had,<br /> You have got to do something, You have never done!

View profile
Nice one. :)
Valiant183 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 9 2013 at 5:19 pm
Valiant183 BRONZE, Sand Iego, California
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You know you&#039;re in love when you can&#039;t fall asleep because your reality is finally better than your dreams.&quot; ~Dr. Seuss

View profile
This is great. Love it.
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD said...
on Feb. 8 2013 at 11:49 pm
Ms.PeytonLovesHP GOLD, Rancho Cordova, California
18 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.&rdquo; - Doctor Seuss

View profile
Well, THATS not very nice..... If you have nothing good to say, don't say it at all! That's very rude AlliBear.... Awesome! Could NOT stop laughing.
Cate.L BRONZE said...
on Feb. 6 2013 at 11:37 am
Cate.L BRONZE, Sanibel Island, Florida
2 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;What&#039;s bizzare? We&#039;re all a little bizzare, some of us are just better at hiding it than others, that&#039;s all.&quot;--&gt; The Breakfast Club

View profile
This is one of the greatest things I've ever read!  I love Twlight spoofs, you should make this into a movie and post it on youtibe, give us all the link!
ChloeHunter BRONZE said...
on Feb. 2 2013 at 8:24 pm
ChloeHunter BRONZE, Brooklyn, New York
3 articles 3 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is louder then the pressure to be perfect,&quot; Demi Lovato.

View profile
Oh man, this is so creative (and hilarious)!!
kmeep GOLD said...
on Feb. 1 2013 at 8:02 am
kmeep GOLD, Woodbury, New Jersey
17 articles 2 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you can&#039;t laugh at yourself, laugh at other people.<br /> -Tim Hawkins

View profile
So funny. I love it!
xXFuentesXx said...
on Jan. 31 2013 at 2:48 pm
xXFuentesXx, Moorhead, Minnesota
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When you have today, you should say all that you have to say.&quot;<br /> -Kellin Quinn, SWS &#039;Roger Rabit&#039;

View profile
this made me laugh for like ten minutes straight. thank you for making my day. bye~
wordtea GOLD said...
on Jan. 28 2013 at 11:03 am
wordtea GOLD, Delhi, Other
14 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
&#039;All men shall die.&#039;- A Clash of Kings<br /> &#039;We accept the love we think we deserve.&#039;- The Perks of Being a Wallflower<br /> &#039;Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.&#039;- The Book Thief

View profile
a-m-a-z-i-n-g
auto_ink SILVER said...
on Jan. 26 2013 at 5:42 pm
auto_ink SILVER, Wasilla, Alaska
9 articles 0 photos 1 comment
View profile
y and my friend were joking about the twilight movies and then we saw this. BEST. MOMENT. EVER. xD
Twilightgirl97 BRONZE said...
on Jan. 25 2013 at 7:55 pm
Twilightgirl97 BRONZE, Bellefonte, Pennsylvania
1 article 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Psalm 63:3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

View profile
haha! I'm a Twilight fan and I still had to  laugh at this haha! This is funny  
Locknessmonster said...
on Jan. 22 2013 at 10:09 am
Locknessmonster, Cape Coral, Florida
0 articles 1 photo 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Be strong in the Lord. Don&#039;t live life in fear. You&#039;re going to do great things, I already know.&quot;

View profile
Laughed so hard XD
WinterFairy PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 14 2013 at 9:20 pm
WinterFairy PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
45 articles 15 photos 111 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t dream it. Be it.&quot;<br /> &quot;Singing is praying twice, and dancing is singing with the body.&quot;<br /> &quot;Paper is more patient than man.&quot;<br /> &quot;Where you live shouldn&#039;t determine whether you live&quot;

View profile
*chants* HUN-GER GAMES! HUN-GER GAMES!
OceanStorm said...
on Jan. 11 2013 at 8:21 pm
OceanStorm, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments
View profile
This is seriously the funniest thing ever.  I love it!
AllieBear said...
on Jan. 10 2013 at 10:24 pm
AllieBear, Madison, Alabama
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
View profile
Wow,and when I say that I don't mean nicely.
CariePierce BRONZE said...
on Jan. 10 2013 at 12:22 pm
CariePierce BRONZE, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Imagination rules the world.&quot; -Napoleon Bonaparte

View profile
Oh, hush. It was a fun piece, nothing more. Don't take personal offense (:
SandyBeachh said...
on Jan. 9 2013 at 1:49 pm
SandyBeachh, Rensselaer, New York
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Disturb not the harmony of Fire, Ice, or Lightning lest these three Titans wreck destruction upon the world in which they clash. Though the water&#039;s Great Guardian shall arise to quell the fighting alone its song will fail. Thus the Earth shall turn to ash. O, Chosen One, into thine hands bring together all three. Their treasures combined tame the beast of the sea.&quot;

View profile
This is absolutely wonderful. Strange looks come your way when you start laughing hysterically in the middle of a public place. You should make more of these. One on the Hunger Games could be very interesting.