In my dreams
Everyone loves me
I am the hero
Everyone is centered around me
And I know it sounds egotistical
And vain
And I'm sorry I'm like that
Forgive me

Because in real life
I am always the second choice
No one makes plans with me
If they do
No one else is available
But I am still shocked
Dumbfounded

A portrait of me
When somebody thinks of me
My mouth pops open
I blush a lot
I might dance
A little
A lot
I curl up in a ball and smile behind my hands
Then reply immediately like an idiot.

I hate interacting with people
For I am vain and self-centered and I can feel it
And I know they're judging me
And I know they're all annoyed with me
They want me to please leave
But they're too polite to breathe a word.

When I am talking to you
Know I am kicking myself
When I stutter so badly that I have to spit out my words
Know I am crying inside
When I am rude and insensitive
Know that I will go home and want to kill myself
I am too awful to live
But I selfishly go on
Because the thought of not being in control makes me anxious
I have to be in control of everything
Or everything
Will fall

To pieces.