smoke | Teen Ink

smoke

May 13, 2015
By A_Wanderer GOLD, Cottondale, Alabama
A_Wanderer GOLD, Cottondale, Alabama
15 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
interviewer: &quot;And what if no one believes your truth?&quot; <br /> Sonmi: &quot;Someone already does.&quot;<br /> -Sonmi 451, Cloud Atlas


Smoke swirls

fingers curl

souls drift upwards

to join the colored clouds

 

Balloons follow pursuit

floating by gently in the breeze

their strings intertwining

with lost wishes,

hopes and dreams

 

The subtle branches

always reaching upwards

toward quiet whispers

of silent pleadings

 

Through a keyhole

one can see all

the beauty

and pain

That comes from being lost


The author's comments:

written in class


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This article has 3 comments.


on Aug. 13 2015 at 3:35 pm
CNBono17 SILVER, Rural, South Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
Lego ergo sum (Latin&mdash;I read, therefore, I am)<br /> The pen is mightier than the sword&mdash;unknown<br /> Don&#039;t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity&mdash;1 Timothy 4:12

Deep, painting an incredible picture. I love it! I agree with @Beila in that the stanzas seem a bit disconnected, but I feel like it adds to the smoke feel of the poem--it kind of slips through your fingers, in and out and onto something else. Well done!

on Jun. 5 2015 at 11:02 am
A_Wanderer GOLD, Cottondale, Alabama
15 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
interviewer: &quot;And what if no one believes your truth?&quot; <br /> Sonmi: &quot;Someone already does.&quot;<br /> -Sonmi 451, Cloud Atlas

Wow, thank you so much! :)

Beila BRONZE said...
on Jun. 5 2015 at 3:14 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

This is a really interesting piece of poetry. The title caught my eye. I think what's unique about this poem is that there's this feeling drifting throughout that something magical and ethereal is about to happen. However, the pieces feel a little disjointed to me in terms of subject matter. It's hard for me to make the connect between the smoke and balloons rising and the sense of being lost. Still, the four stanzas somehow truly come together cohesively. I like it--this made me think. :)