I was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment
For a crime I am guilty of
But am yet to commit.
***
I couldn’t possibly ever testify against it
As to where it happened, or even worse; when.
But all I am sure of is that it was quick.
***
To this date, I am still in denial of my
Ability to think of such cruel thoughts
Because we as people avoid risks in life
So we can make it safely to death
And what I have done almost killed me.
***
It was possibly the darkest prison I have ever seen
And I have seen quite a few in my life time.
This one was different.
It felt permanent
As if I wasn’t going to get out anytime soon.

***
The beginning didn’t seem as dreadful,
And was somewhat bearable.
I was still getting used to it and at
The back of my mind there was hope that
All of this could just be a bad dream.
***
As days went by, I spend my time wishing I was dead
And finding myself awake at 3am thinking of
What I could have had done differently
Because at the end of the day,
We all strive for happiness
And I have fallen into a hole so deep
I couldn’t even make out the surface.
***
And of course I could fake happiness,
But it came with a string attached
One which I had to put my head through.
***
Because of the state I was in
I got the life sentence.
The death penalty.
And no matter how frightening those words were to hear
Somehow they soothed me because I knew
That for once in my life
I will be free
***
I get a hold of a rope
Tie it in a noose knot
And without any doubt or hesitation
I put it around my neck.
***
My mind was so corrupted I couldn’t think
Straight, and running away from all that evil
Seemed easier that facing it.
***
I hook the rope to the ceiling
And while standing on the edge of the chair
I slowly let go and start drifting away
While the tight rope around my neck starts
Depriving me from oxygen.

It wasn’t painful I can truthfully say
But rather relieving and calm
***
I was a prisoner in my own head
And after 10 years, I had let my demons win.

I.V