The restless effort to remain in reality exhausts my mind as it ceaselessly wanders in boredom.
I lay by myself in a room with no walls.
I lay by myself in a house with no tenants.
I lay by myself in a country with no land.
I lay by myself in a world with no humanity.

But still, the vicious moans penetrate my ears.
I squirm and slither 'til I find comfort on my back.
A cool chill runs down my spine as my eyes mend shut.
They do not open.
They do not blink.
They do not move.
Darkness.

Though my thoughts are still my own,
they are poisoned by the sick stereotype of men's minds.
Consciousness is gone yet the sound carries over.
Color runs through and splatters against the bleak backdrop of my head.
It adds a visual as if the sounds weren't enough.
A faceless man and a fascinating woman gyrating in unison.
As I see what I imagined, I realize maturity has yet to come.
I subscribe to this premise and desperately try to enjoy what I have created.
But to enjoy what is not real is to love what has never lived.
I blink and the faceless man is gone.
The girl, remains.
She lies nude,
Motionless,
Silent.
Yet in her silence, she invites me.
I reach out and the indefectible being fades into a grainy cloud of dust.
The dust dances before me as it drops slowly into a pile on my feet.

The sound fades and the colors shift.
The lighting dims and the tension rises.
A soft red tint fills the scene...

My heart, it pounds.
Bum bum. Bum bum.
The floor, it quakes.
Bum bum. Bum bum.
My legs, they shake.
Bum bum. Bum bum.

The dust rises.
It violently swings around like a fire gasping for breath in the wake of a storm knowing very well that no matter how much it tries,
no matter how much it fights,
it will die and be forgotten.
The dust fits into an upright, invisible mold and the individual particles now form a living being. A girl.
This one is familiar.
But not the same one from before.
This one is not perfect.
This one has flaws.
But, for some inexplicable reason, this one is even more fascinating than the previous girl.
This one is human.
She faces me.

Her hair is messy.
Her nose is bent.
Her lips are cracked.
Her shoulders are broad.
Her breasts are small.
Her legs are crooked.
Her feet are big.
But her eyes,
her eyes.
They are so beautiful.
They are so perfect.

After initial eye contact, I cannot draw my gaze away.
As time seems to stand still, she becomes perfect yet she does not change.
She speaks,
but her voice projects as a distant echo
though she stands ten feet away.
By the time the sound reaches my eardrum,
it is but an incoherent murmur.
I so desperately want to hear every word that comes out of her mouth but I want even more to silence her with a kiss.

I move in closer.
One step at a time.
With every step I take she mimics in the opposite direction
maintaining the ten foot distance between us.
I step forward.
She moves back.
I step left.
She moves right.
We are dancing together without any contact.
I stop and so does she.

We stand in silence but her playfully sinister smile is calling me closer.
The same smile which has been tormenting me for the past months
if not years though I have yet to utter a word to its owner.
I take another step.
She is still.
Nine feet.
I take another step.
She is still.
Eight feet.
Step. Still. Seven feet.
Step. Still. Six.
Step. Still. Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Silence.
We are the only two beings in this bleak landscape.
As long as we remain motionless,
time will not pass.

Time no longer exists.
The only sound is a single heartbeat emanating from our chests.
I stare into her glistening eyes which reflect myself staring back.
She appears even more perfect up close.
I can't bare the silence,
the stillness any longer.
As I close my eyes,
move my lips towards hers
and lift my hands gently towards her face,
my heart begins beating faster.
Yet, hers does not change.
We are now beating out of unison and I realize,
I am kissing the breeze.

Open your eyes,
I can’t do it.
Open your eyes,
I won’t do it.

As long as my eyes stay shut,
she is still in front of me.
As long as my eyes stay shut,
I am happy
But can happiness be measured in everlasting darkness?
Maybe, true happiness can only be imagined.
It is invented, not awarded.
The difference between everyone’s happiness is when they leave it behind.
In this moment,
I cannot leave it behind.
It is so precious yet so fleeting.
Love.
A word with no written meaning,
It is only described through emotion.
No matter how fleeting love may be,
The pain of lost love lasts a lifetime.

I open my eyes.
A task which seems so simple yet pains me more than anything to do.
I look beyond the blurring sheet of tears,
She is gone.
Leaving no indication of her presence,
She is gone.
I am gone.

I
am
alone.