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Games
I avoid a wall and run into a door
I jump over a step and trip on my own two feet
I overcome a hill, yet hit the base of a mountain
And I finally make the finish line, but come in last place
It’s a game
A rigged race that can’t be won
It’s the laugh of defeat deafening your ears
An understanding that getting by is better than getting nothing
I’ll trip, traipse, run, scream, and get by all I can
But when a moment shatters
And a day is done
I’ll still be getting nothing
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This article has 6 comments.
Hum, you could focus on the idea of it being a cruel game, like something that shouldn't be taken seriously that is taken too seriously, or you can take it as the idea of a regular game, something that you don't take seriously, and doesn't matter in the end.
Of course those aren't the only two options, just the best I can come up with.
Hum. It's an interesting poem, and has a good backing concept, however, it's lacking flow.
Try putting some rhyme to it, that would help. It would make the poem match the theme of a game, and you obviously have a good grip on what the game is and how some people are bad at playing it, so just put it to some rhyming, and it would be so much the better, and more fun to read!
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"To thine own self be true," -from Hamlet, a play by Shakespeare.<br /> "I have sworn on the altar of god eternal hostility against all forms of tyranny over the mind of man." - Thomas Jefferson