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My Safe Space
As my feet carry me towards the band room,
The hurricane of insecurity that constantly rages in my mind seems never-ending,
Its winds ripping through my confidence and sending it toppling down like a house of cards.
When I pass through the band room doors, however, a wave of calmness washes over me-
Like I’m in the eye of the storm.
This is the one place where I feel free to be myself-
Where I can seek respite from the constraints of societal expectations
And experience the feeling of sweet catharsis from all of my pent-up self-hatred and insecurity-
For I am surrounded by the only people that accept me for who I am.
When it feels as though I may be swept away by an undertow of anxiety,
The weight of the mallets in my hands keeps me grounded in serenity
As they dance across the bars of the xylophone in skillful maneuvers,
Possessing all of the grace and finesse of an adroit ballerina.
The music swirls around me like how the wind blows stray leaves from the ground,
Bringing me comfort and familiarity as it feels like everything around me fades away
And leaves nothing but me and the xylophone.
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When I first joined band, it was the main source of my anxiety and inscurity. I got so frustrated with myself when I couldn't play as well as everyone else that had at least a year of experience on me after just a few weeks that I wanted to quit, but once I gave it more of a chance, I grew to love it almost more than anything else, maybe save for writing. It soon became my main source of comfort when I'm having a tough time mentally, so I try to capture that feeling of comfort that it brings me in my writing.