After the last stage of grief, acceptance, most choose to face the reality of their situation.

But I've been going in circles. I always end up missing you some way or another.

And I know I shouldn't. 

I know I shouldn't get butterflies whenever I hear your name.

I shouldn't be so quick to ask how you are when people mention you.

I never fail to ask, "What do they think of me?" whenever someone says they've talked to you.

I never fail to care.

But, it's ironic, because it's my fault we're not in a good place.

I'm the one who lied, manipulated, and begged you to take me back when you had every single right not to.

I would try to get your attention in the worst ways possible.

Sure, you made mistakes, too. But I'm positive mine were more severe.

I am the reason that what we had before may never be fixed. May never happen again.

Because I screwed up so badly.

It's all my fault.

And I'm so, so sorry.

I was blinded by jealousy, love, hate, and confusion, with only one thought running through my mind:

"Why did they leave if they cared so much? If they loved me so much?"

I still don't know why.

But I should've respected your decision. 

It kills me to know I've done such terrible things to you. 

And there's nothing I can do about it, either. No clock I can turn back, and no pencil markings I can erase.

I don't know what to do.

I want to make it up to you. But I don't know how.

Because if I do try, you might still hate me.

But do you? Do you hate me?

But I don't even deserve an answer to that.

I don't know. My guess is yes.

You don't have to forgive me. I know I don't deserve it.

Because what I've done to you is so selfish and wrong and it makes me hate myself for it.

I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

It was me all along.

Hate me all you want. You have every reason to.

From:

Me, the Real Evil.