Thunder | Teen Ink

Thunder

January 19, 2011
By Adeline_Jacobs GOLD, Camp Lejeune, North Carolina
Adeline_Jacobs GOLD, Camp Lejeune, North Carolina
17 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The trade of authorship is a violent, and indestructible obsession." (George Sand) "Even rest should be creative, so that time doesn't flow around us, but through us. This is art." (Anna Kamienska)


CRASH! A flicker in the sky lights the world for an instant. Wide eyes, bright with fear, stay in the dark shadows. A shuffle on the floor made him sit up straighter and push towards the wall.

"Timothy?" Someone swooned. "Timothy? Please come out here. It's just me. I promise nothing will happen to you."

Timothy sat still with fear. Didn't utter a word, a cry, a sound. He closed his eyes wishing for this to stop. Gotta get away. Gotta get away. He thought to himself.

The footsteps moved closer towards him and stopped. "I know you're in here Timothy. Please come out. You know I'll find you. If you don't come out right now I'll just get very angry," The voice said sweetly.

He closed his eyes even tighter waiting, wishing, needing to die alone, to be alone.

Another flicker in the sky made twisted shapes in the clouds. Another CRASH disrupting the pitter patter on the damaged roof top. drip, drop, drip, drop,...drip,...drop,...drip. The rain leaked through the roof into a bucket on the floor. The drops seemed to slow to a painstaking speed.

The voice kept calling, begging, scaring. Then, "TIMOTHY! Come out here or I swear to God Almighty I will find you and break every bone in your body." The voice turned from sweet and deadly to full of malice and ice. He shuddered violently. The voice huffed and slowly walked away stopping every few steps. He imagined she kept looking back.

The only mother he's ever known, the only love he's ever received, the only person who hugged him. Then she turned on him. She waited till he was fifteen, pulled a gun on him, and tried to shoot him. He'd gotten away but she threw everything she had at him. The police are looking for him, the FBI, CIA, US Marshals, homeland security, everyone.

A tear rolled down his cheek. How did it get to be this way? He thought.

He got up from his cramped position. The walls and floor were covered in dirt that turned everything gray and brown. He rubbed his arms, warming himself up. The place was dreary and depressing. The story of my life.

It can change, He heard a woman's voice in his head. He turned around. A woman was crouching in the window. She stared at him from the top of her eyes. Her hair dripped in tangled strands. her clothes were black leather. She jumped down lightly, no sound from her fall.

"I can change your life. I can end this. You wouldn't have to worry about them ever again." She walked slowly toward him in a slow catwalk. She looked as if she could change to a tense crouch at any moment. She was his age with shoulder length black hair, a perfectly upturned nose, black eyes, tall and slender, and a leather outfit contouring to her figure.

"How can you end my troubles?" He asked.

"You'll have to come with me." She replied simply. "There's no pain. I promise." She looked at him calmly.

"How did you find me?" He asked.

"I tracked you."

"How?"

"I can smell you."

He laughed at her. "Really? And you can put your thoughts into my head. Amazing." He shook his head.

"You can too. Just come with me." She replied calmly.

She walked to the doorway and turned back to him, "Are you coming?" Then he began following her. They walked through hallways, past rooms, down stairs until they went down to the main lobby. She walked confidently out the doors as Timothy hesitated. He caught up to her and tried to walk beside but he didn't seem to be able to keep up. He suddenly felt this impending doom.
He started feeling uneasy and anxious.

She got into a black BMW sports car and started it impatiently. He walked forward and got into it. She drove off at 45mph without a blink. He didn't have a chance to put a seat belt on and she completely ignored her seatbelt. He couldn't put his seatbelt on anyways since she was swerving and stopping without any warning.

She slowed down in front of a huge metal gate with vines growing rampant and metal roses twining to the top of the spires. She turned to me and said, "It's dangerous for you in there if your awake." She simply said then stuck a needle in his arm.

"What the hell was that?" He yelled. Already the spot felt numb and the feeling was spreading and it was making his limbs weak.

"Who are you?" He said. She looked at him and said simply, "Not normal. Not human."


The author's comments:
I wrote this so long ago. It might be obvious where I got my inspiration from. Maybe you can guess?

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This article has 4 comments.


on Jan. 22 2011 at 3:42 pm
Adeline_Jacobs GOLD, Camp Lejeune, North Carolina
17 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The trade of authorship is a violent, and indestructible obsession." (George Sand) "Even rest should be creative, so that time doesn't flow around us, but through us. This is art." (Anna Kamienska)

To be honest, I don't even know what happened between him and his mom. This just flowed through me. And thank you for the suggestions. It often takes an outside perspective to catch the errors. Thank you!

on Jan. 22 2011 at 3:40 pm
Adeline_Jacobs GOLD, Camp Lejeune, North Carolina
17 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The trade of authorship is a violent, and indestructible obsession." (George Sand) "Even rest should be creative, so that time doesn't flow around us, but through us. This is art." (Anna Kamienska)

I'm not really sure why it does that. When I submit it it has regular quotation marks but when it's posted is turn into &quote. It's like that on my other work too.

on Jan. 21 2011 at 1:38 pm
swimster16 SILVER, Dexter, Michigan
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
I think music in itself is healing. It&#039;s an explosive expression of humanity. It&#039;s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we&#039;re from, everyone loves music.<br /> ~Billy Joel

Good story! but I have to ask what is with all the &quote?

on Jan. 20 2011 at 3:28 pm
springdance BRONZE, Hebron, New Hampshire
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.<br /> Albert Einstein

This is a good idea. But I think it needs some grammatical work. You could keep the beginning vague, but it would be a lot less confusing if you were more detailed with the whole conflict with his mom. At the end, you switched from third person perspective to first. I hope you write a second one to add to the story!