O-oh okay, I’m glad you’re finally up, s-sleeping beauty, it’s almost time f-for a pitstop and your turn to dr-drive. Are you fully awake? There’s a stash i-in the glove c-compartment. Hungry? There’s some i-individually wrapped lunches in the c-cooler, if you’d like. While you w-were asleep, I was thinking a-about what I need to tell you before w-we get to my high s-school reunion. I think my nerves are causing my s-speech impediment to c-come back.
(Deep sigh.)
O-okay. (ahem.) I think I’m fine n-now. Wow that’s embarrassing. As I was sayi- y-yes I did have a speech i-impediment in hi-high school. I was getting to that, if you’d l-let me finish, angel dus- erm no. My s-sugar plum? We’ll get b-better at this, d-don’t worry. Anyway, b-back to my story, in high school I w-wasn’t exactly the woman I am today. I h-had a severe speech impediment which gave me a-all the more reason to be t-the typical a-antisocial n-nerd. But, unlike in the m-movies, I w-was the most dependable c-chick at school. Even more than t-the beloved quarterback or h-head cheerleader. You needed s-some body parts to get high off? I-I was the plug. They might not have l-liked me, but I was the g-girl with all the p-parts.
(Flaps lips.) I’m gonna p-pull over n-now to get some f-fresh air, then you can s-switch to drive the rest o-of the way.
T-to continue m-my s-story, I, of c-course, h-had a cr-crush on this g-girl that’ll pr-probably be there t-tomorrow. Well a-actually, s-she’s more l-like the one who g-got away... We h-had a t-thing o-one summ- Oh c-come on, y-you can n-not be j-jealous r-right now. I- we’re f-fake m-married. R-remember? Ohh t-this i-is just p-practice? Ye-yeah right-t. Anyway, this girl is p-probably going t-to either s-show up w-with a hot f-fake hu-husband or t-try to rekindle w-what we h-had or b-both. I’m h-hoping for b-both. (Wink.)
I n-need to m-meditate. G-give me a-a s-second. I c-can n-not s-still h-have th-this s-s-stutter w-when w-we g-get t-there. Wa-wasn’t c-cute t-then. I-it r-really w-w-won’t b-be c-c-cute n-now.
(Deep sigh.)
O-o-okay. (ahem.) O-okay. (sigh.) Whew. Now, in order for this all to go down accordingly, you have to wear the royal blue sequin dress. There is to be no talk of me almost getting caught, my third year into business school. No kids. No luxury house. One dog. Two bedroom loft in soho. And… we met at CSU, even though we’re both from Oklahoma and grew up 1 hour away from each other, until high school. Got it?
Okay, yup just make a left up at this intersection and we’ll be at the hotel on the right. Yeah, the reunion is at the high school, it’s a few blocks over. Don’t worry, everything will be fine. I just want to stop at the diner. Everyone used to go there on Fridays after the sports that night. I’ll show you my booth! Haha, are you ready Jen- no. Angel du- ha! Sorry. Sweetcakes. Married couples have inside jokes, right? Thought so, well something has to be true about this stratagem.
(Deep sigh.)
Are you ready?