Three times, now, I almost died, and no one had noticed. Three times, no one cared. I had a feeling this would happen. That’s why I kept doing it but it keeps failing. I tried cutting myself, overdosing, and even hanging myself. But nothing. No one cared and loved me so why does God keep leaving me down here to suffer rather than just take me with him. Dad was with him anyway! Dad’s the only other person who cared about me. I have multiple questions, especially for my own mother. What kind of mother leaves their own child for a man like him. Just because he was richer and had power? Dad could’ve done the same thing if you just would’ve believed in him. But you didn’t. And now he’s gone and that’s because of you. Now I’m stuck in this foster system. I bet she doesn’t even know what it feels like to be unwanted. Moving to different households knowing no one’s ever going to love you. Knowing that you’re only staying with them so they get money. Can’t they understand that? Three times. Nothing. I’m stuck in the same place. If I’m not at the hospital, I’m stuck in the foster home. No one will ever love me the way Dad did. I don’t know if I’m ever going to let any of these stupid foster parents to adopt me even if my life depended on it. I don’t think I’ll be able to replace my dad. I sat at the office of the foster home for the 9 millionth time. They hated me. They didn’t have the patience for me. They’ll never be able to understand the pain I’m going through so they have no right to say I’m hard to care for and I take a while to open up because no. “Andrea, this Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins. They’ll be yo-” “Your foster parents. They’ll be caring for you until they choose to stop. I know, I know.” I sighed. Ms. Anne began whispering to them and I can tell she was trying to ask for forgiveness for the way I acted. I practically memorized everything they say and everything they do to make them actually take me in. And the fact that I’m 13 isn’t helping. No one wants a teenager. I’m not as cute as I once was. The Jenkins continued to smile at me but I’ve been through this enough to know that that was just another fake smile. Fake act. Fake! But of course, even if the foster system saw how fake they seemed, they didn't care! “As long as the kids are out” they’ve said. For a fairly high rated foster care system, they didn’t seem to care as much as I thought they would’ve. I’ve been here for years now and I’m done getting my hopes up thinking I’m actually going to find parents. As a 9 year old, I really hoped that the first family who fostered me would actually adopt me. If only you saw the effort I did to try to get adopted. But next thing you know, one home turned into 5. . then into 15 . . and I lost hope.