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Revenge
August 8, 2014
It was a night filled with dark
It was a day filled with blood.
In his eyes i saw that hatred for me
And the fire of revenge burned in me.
The stars that twinkles at the night
Are now just dark like my life.
In his eyes i saw that hatred for me
And the fire of revenge burned in me.
I still remember those hateful words
I still remember those hateful glances.
In his eyes i saw that hatred for me
And the fire of revenge burned in me.
He ruined my life and broke my trust
And filled my life with dark and distrust.
In his eyes i saw that hatred for me
And the fire of revenge burned in me.
Those glances, those words, those hateful eyes
Ruined me and turned my life into a web of lies.
© Steve S., Marblehead, MA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 6 comments.
ScarletIce4695 GOLD said...
on Dec. 31 2014 at 5:44 am
Thnxxx for commenting nd advising on this!!!!!!
Like the ending, it's well done. The only thing you could do would be to make it more to the point and concise. Par example: "those glances, those words, those hateful eyes ruined me and turned my life into a web of lies..you could just take out "and" and I think it works better. That's just me, in general I like the way you wrote the poem though, finishing lines with me a couples times, keeps the poem focused. Then again with the capitalization of "i" sorry XD and instead of dark and distrust, you could say dark distrust. It just flows better, you have great lines here that could be awesomer! (yes I'm aware awesomer isn't a word just go with it XD )
ScarletIce4695 GOLD said...
on Nov. 25 2014 at 6:05 am
thnks!!!!!!!!
ScarletIce4695 GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2014 at 10:49 am
@silver thnks, i'm honoured.
SilverLiner said...
on Nov. 21 2014 at 6:54 am
This is becoming my personal cliché: " this is a very lovely poem. *thumbs up* yeah"
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