When someone hears depression
They think of sadness
A girl crying in her bedroom
Her eyes red and puffy from the tears

When someone hears depression
They think of hopelessness
A boy feeling like he’s nothing to anyone
Wondering where things went wrong

But depression is so much more than
Sadness
And hopelessness
It’s more than the girl crying alone in her room
And the boy feeling like he’s unimportant
Though those are parts of depression
It’s more than that and always will be.

Depression is emptiness.
It’s feeling like you have no emotions
Like a shell of who you used to be
Neither happy nor sad, just
Empty.

Depression is isolation
It’s letting calls ring without answering them
Each ring stinging you because you know you’re letting your friend down.
And ignoring texts from friends
Praying that your phone vibrating isn’t a message from anyone.
It’s silence in conversations
And not enjoying groups.
Isolation.

Depression is suppressing.
It’s being asked if you’re okay
And claiming everything’s fine.
Even when you’re broken to pieces and can barely move from the storm inside you.
It’s hiding tears in class and praying that people can’t hear your sniffling
Because they can’t see that you’re weak.
It’s lying to hide the pain of what’s really going on.

Depression is draining.
It’s being so unwilling to move
That you lose interest in everything
Even what you used to love so much.

Depression is loneliness.
It’s refusing to open up
And pushing people away
Though you know it’s not healthy.
It’s pushing until everyone leaves you in the dust
Leaving you wondering
Where you went wrong.

Depression is living day to day.
Saying that you’ll be fine if you get through today
Or this week
Or this month
It’s coping using whatever you can
Music or art or sports or whatever
Or maybe it’s not coping at all.
It’s finding the strength to pick up the pieces of yourself
And put them back together
Just to fall apart again the very next day.

Depression is hatred.
Hating yourself for being so messed up
Or for pushing people you care about away
Or for what you cannot change
It’s hating every single aspect of yourself
From the color of your hair
To the size of your feet.

Depression is a monster.
It’s all these things and more.
It’s a war waged from the inside
With your brain always screaming awful things
That you find yourself hearing so often
You start believing them
And they become true.
Things like
You’re worthless.
Or why are you even here?
It’s seeing the worst because of the screaming in your head
That you can’t escape from
It seizes you and won’t let go
And it’s impossible to fight it.
You just have to give in.

Depression is a monster.
And it’s so much more than
Sadness.

-Anonymous