October 30th 2017 10:46 pm

As I am writing this, it has nothing to do with the one I am currently with, just past feelings which repeat, I guess they aren’t too important, but some things need to be expressed so they don’t stay, left to wither away and leave a bad corpse of forgotten thoughts that were never attended too
 

-10:48 pm

Just like the mid-summer rain, I never expected you to stay
But just like the mid-summer sun, I wish that’s what you could’ve done
I felt like a child being told that Santa Claus wasn’t real, but instead it was love with a less young feel
Sometimes I truly do wonder how you are doing, how life is treating you, I ponder on the thoughts that to you may be long lost, but to me they’re ones that I think of a lot
I don’t hate you, I don’t hate anybody, but I hate how you engraved in my every thought how it was all my fault
You’d do so many things that I’m just now realizing were explicitly wrong, but id apologize repeatedly because you told me that I was just overreacting
“It was nothing”
Our love was a horror movie, unsuspecting of the murderous fiend who played the part so innocently, you captured the heart and trust of the audience so they looked past all of your “accidents” because after all , you made many mistakes and I did too
For example, I mistook you for a girl who would label my heart “Handle With Care”, but you never “cared” that much, such words didn’t come with actions
“Actions speak louder than words”
But your actions needed a megaphone turned up way past ten because you were so tense on being correct that you wanted to see how bad you could make my sadness, your curiosity killed the connection, not the cat
But it was just that , you knew what to do to make me go absolutely insane to the point where you obliterated my feeling of pain which you inflicted each time you’d , lie , yell or kill my mind while looking into my eyes, you’d make my caring thoughts subside to the point of me knowing it was going to keep happening
You’d always reference The Notebook, and say, “If you’re a bird , than I’m a bird”, but if youre a bird I’ll be a dog or a cat or anything on this land that doesn’t directly represent you
I don’t want to be who you are.
Pain, lies, crying , deceiving, jarring beating of my cranium causing depressing thoughts that could send me to an asylum
Don’t try telling me you truly loved me , please.

-12:11 am