What's wrong with me?

Why is it so dark?

How can I be

So stubborn and dumb

When I know what's good for me?

Some people frown at me

At my skirts and high necks

My unmade face

My simple hair

But that never bothered me

Yet I caved to it

To the lies of the world

That physique is better than soul

In making my external "beautiful"

I destroyed my internal

My hopes and dreams

My good traits vanished

And fear ruled my life

Sorow and terror

Replaced joy and happiness

I was a soulless robot

A skeletal puppet of bone and skin

Strings pulled me along each day

Despair ate my heart to live like this

Being dead in a living world

Even now that I'm alive

Those dreaded thoughts and fears

Threaten to cut me like knives

They haunt my heart

That they'll kill me again

A great pleasure to all humans

Is my greatest fear

Help me, Dear God, not to succumb

For if my body had died physically then

To Hell I would have gone

Surely the therapist hates me

And the dietician rolls her eyes

When my name appears

On their computer screens

Full of appointment lists

I am the unsolved case

The toughest nut to crack

The one who wouldn't gain weight

Though tons of food I ate

Hard to gain, easy to lose

But in this everlasting trial

Which doctors call recovery

I have found again what I have lost

What I perhaps never had

Love for God and his Blessed Mother

I constantly teeter on the brink of death

And if it were not for the Father's gentle hand

The true Faith and my Religion

Then surely I would fall

Right into anorexia's iron trap again