I am from the middle; my older sister had her older friends, my younger siblings had their younger friends, and I had my friends, we were stuck in the middle.
Never first, never last. Not old enough to go swimming by ourselves, but too old to be seen with our parents.
Old enough to have broken hearts, but too young for them to cause any concern. They still hurt us.
Summer crushes by the creek, I would put my feet in the water and push my toes through the mud as I looked at the sunset shining through his hair.
Bug bites would line my arms and legs making my skin burn with the little spots of red. I could feel the sweat run down my back and taste in when I ran to catch up with the boys.
I would have gotten sunburns so bad they would blister and enjoyed the soothing comfort of aloe on my skin with its earthy and cool sent, but my mother protected me with armor of sunscreen.
When autumn blew in with leaves and I went back to school I would wear the hand me downs with pride, sweaters that where a little too big and pants that where too long made me feel small in the best way.
I came from arts and crafts with macaroni necklaces and coloring pages that I only drew outside the lines in.
I came from the anxiety of timed times table quizzes that I would never passed and seeing my peers make better grad that me. I came from not having and friends or anyone who wanted to sit with me at lunch.
I’m from depression and anxiety that only gets worse as the years go on.
My only safe space is my best friend’s basement because he knows what I’m going through and doesn’t mind when I can’t stop crying.
I sit in the middle of the ugliest couch and wait out the cold months of winter holding a cup of hot chocolate and his hand.
I from broken hearts that didn’t faze me until I truly fell in love with my best friend and he broke my heart after I gave him everything.
He held me as I cried over him, I hoped he broke his own heart too.
Weeks passed and we started holding hands again. I know he still loves me.
We aren’t just friends, but we also aren’t dating. We are in the middle, where I always have been.