Of all the things he could have held in his hand,

he held a gun.
Of all the places she could have been,
she was there.
And of all the things I could have done,
I cried.

I’ve spent all of my days wondering
if there is something more we cannot see

Trying to make sense
of life
and death
and how I can’t stop blaming myself -

I can’t stop feeling like I’ve stopped feeling

and wondering if
what I am is more
than skin and flesh and bones

Dear someone,

I am alone

even if there are people with me

I am alone

because every time I feel like I could be fine
I remember that someone somewhere
is having a funeral

Dear someone

Dear anyone

they say she is still here.
But she’s not

and I can’t even remember the sound of her voice.

I was so sure that night
that I would see her again

Dear someone,
I think our biggest mistake
is how much we believe
in the future.

Dear anyone,
the truth is 
that I don’t know any truths

and I don’t know
how long it will be
until I can be something else
than alone