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Contemplation
February 26, 2015
She said she got mad doubt in me which hurts foreal
if i start to think about it too much it'll start to kill
me inside everyday i ask why i do the things i do before i cry
yea i know you getting tired of me and im trying to change
so we can remain close and i wont have to love you from a distant range
cause i need your trust and full respect and honesty
without you there isn't going to be a me
so witht that being said i just want tolet you know i love you
if you willing to work this out lemme know you do
but if not just reply with another f*** you
© Lindsay S., Billings, MT
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This article has 4 comments.
I feel that there's an intense emotion you're trying to convey through this piece. However, I will say that it's hard to achieve that with your grammatical and misspelling errors. Personally, I don't have a problem with your lowercase format, or with the missing apostrophes in your contractions, though in some cases that does cause a problem. Nonetheless, there were sometimes in your poem, where you didn't space out your words, such as "foreal" for "for real", "tolet" for "to let". I advise that before you submit an article that you carefully edit any misspelling errors, first of all. (Trust me, it happens to everyone: I have a couple of poems with misspellings. But you reduce this happening if you edit first.) I would substitute another word for "mad" in "mad doubt". Seems out of place. Good start. Just polish it up some more.
Hannahg said...
on Mar. 2 2015 at 8:29 pm
I really like how this ends
9 articles 0 photos 27 comments
Favorite Quote:
Dreams are like a box of chocolates, if you hold on and think about them for to long it will all start to melt away.