When I was a little girl

I was a little boy

I didnt see a problem with

Me playing football with my guy friends

Or wearing boy clothes

Or having short hair

How was I supposed to know that

It wasnt acceptable for a little "girl"

To like

Swords

More than

Makeup

Skateboards

Better than

Princesses

Blue

More than

Pink

But no one really cared, I mean

Why should they?

I was only a kid

Ill grow out of it

Its just the good 'ol

Tomboy phase

Lots of little girls go through it

Then I started growing older

They started growing weary

"She should understand now

That she needs to be

Soft and quiet and pretty"

"Shouldnt she know by now

That boys clothing

Is no longer ok?"

"She should know her place"

I got even older and well

That "tomboy" phase

Has woven itself into the wiring

Of my mind

My skin

Feels like a jacket

With a jammed zipper

And god is it getting stuffy in here

I can feel

Every

Last

Blood cell

Travel through all the unwanted places

Faces

All turned to me

"What the hell is that"

"Mommy is that a boy or a girl?"

"Its going to hell"

"He-she"

"She-male"

"Tranny"

"Queer"

"Fag"

"Abomination"

The infestation pulls itself

Tighter around my neck every time

Someone buys me a dress

Or makeup

Just another hopeless attempt

To persaude me to be

Something Im not:

Soft and

Quiet and

Pretty

Every stroke of mascara I force

Onto my lashes

Just to please others

Makes my chest hurt more

Than the bandage I wrap

So tightly around myself

To the point where breathing

Was a luxury I dont have

That I dont want

Id rather soffocate

Than be in this body

And so

The tomboy phase morphed into

The transgender phase

"Youre normal!

All girls feel masculine sometimes!"

Well maybe thats true but

When I say I feel masculine

Its a pretty way of saying

I want to scratch out my breasts

I want to exchange my body

For one that fits better

I long for facial hair

To be taller

To be stronger

But most importantly

To be accepted

Because at the end of the day

Is it my gender thats wrong

Or is it your veiw of my gender thats wrong?