I don't want to feel so heavy right now

but I do

And I want to tell you, to tell you my thoughts, but I might

I might scare you away.

And I will.

you will, you will leave, but please not now, but soon because thats how it should be

I shouldn't notice these things

but I do

I don't want to feel so heavy right now

I'm sorry I do things I shouldn't

I don't sing and when I do lets pretend that I don't

I scratch, claw and gnash my teeth but you should expect that

its just called passion

and sometimes I just really don't care and I wish I did

but I don't.

and is it okay?

is it okay with you?

if I'm a little distant?

stop telling me that I should put it down

put it down

put it down

put it down

I've lost it, don't you see? I've lost whatever it is you want me to put down

And I'm trying

I am trying to be sorry.

I shouldn't be so down

but I am

And she'd say its selfish, I'd say its selfish and so would you.

its just today thats got me so down

I feel so down--thats not a creative excuse but I'm not the creative type so don't force me

dont force me to think of anything better

And I can hear you, I can hear you in your confidence and tiny whispers with people, people who go by the vague name of "My friends",

and its all about me.

and I really

really

really

don't want it to be, because I know.

I know better.

I want to keep you in a picture frame, I want to make you an idealized, romanticized flowery prose on paper

and you'll always be just as you are now, you'll always be this way.

Today

I want to be exactly within the shuffle in my head, but here, I also want to be here, while you are

just as you are

and I am.

I am.

I am.

tell me, I am.