Have you ever come across a really attractive person (and I mean like reallllly attractive), only to discover that they identify as asexual? Don't fear! Just follow these easy steps and in no time, they'll be throwing themselves at you in the same way that pre-teens throw themselves at their favorite boy band.

Step 1:
Approach the individual with caution because they can obviously reproduce by budding. Yes, everything you learned in freshman year biology is true. Not unlike plants, asexuals have the uncanny ability to split themselves into two. Now, you should be safe, but it's best not to frighten them or you could have a potentially messy situation on your hands. In any case, remember to nurture them with sunshine and rainwater, just to ensure they blossom into the beautiful plant they really are.
Step 2:
Now, we all know that this person believes that they are asexual, but let's be real: they just haven't found the right person yet. I mean, in any case, they're just in denial! You, my friend, have looks that are to die for, so all you really have to do is win them over by being your own charming self. You are definitely the one that's going to change their mind. Definitely. Right when they see you, everything they ever thought to be true will vanish in an instant and they will automatically love your perfect super-model body and flawless flowing hair. It's true.
Step 3:
After casually flirting with them for a while, they may still seem uninterested in your dazzling personality. At this point, it's a good idea to look right into their eyes and ask, "Have you seen a doctor yet?" I mean let's remember, they are asexual, so it's obviously their imbalanced hormones that are making them act this way. You know what's best for them even more than they do, so telling them that they should seek help will totally pull them out of their strange reverie. Everybody knows that it's impossible to have no sexual attraction whatsoever, and this person is just trying to be another special snowflake.
Step 4:
By now, the asexual individual may finally be falling for you! Woah! Now, let's remember that a lot of asexuals don't like to have sex. You, my friend, are going to change that. Sex is a natural part of life! It's our instinct to want to mate, they should know that. After leaving several hints, they still may not get what you're really after. If they try to deny you, just ask, "How do you know if you don't like it if you've never tried it?!!" The asexual will drop everything that they're doing and realize that you're right. I mean if you've never tried jumping off of a cliff, how do you know you won't like it? It's science!
Step 5:
After all this time, it's apparent that the asexual has been lying to not only you, but also to themselves. They are about as real as the monster that hides under your bed, as real as the fact that the earth is flat. They are lying. You are all-knowing, friend, and you know that their identity is false. Only you know what is best for them. How can somebody not experience sexual attraction? They have to fit inside your perfect lines of black and white, and now that you have made them aware of just how real they are, you are obviously right.
Congratulations. I hope that you're satisfied, because you, friend, have succeeded. You have cured an asexual.