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Along the Way MAG
November 29, 2008
How many faces and birthdays will I come to remember
before my eyes shut for the last time
and I find myself in that closet I hid in that smelled of laundry softener
in the third grade because I didn’t belong in a girl’s house?
How many fingers and palms and fingernails
will I see amid how many trees, swinging green and happy branches in the spring
like the clasped hands of middle aged lovers who left the kids at home with a babysitter
so they could go for an afternoon walk?
I imagine there will be enough smiles and enough tears
that if I wanted to I could flood the city of New York
and swim through those blurred lights in the dead of an August night
and sing along with the crickets and the distorted sound of drowned car horns.
Hopefully I’ll have a bag of forehead wrinkles and boxes full of voices
from teachers and friends and train conductors
who say the most unimportant things like “May I see your ticket?”
Hopefully there will be shoes and coats from parties
and sloppy kisses on doorsteps in cold January nights
where my breath will be visible in the air and the ice near my feet
will sparkle and gleam in the periodic flicker of the dying bulb
in her porch light.
Even if things go wrong,
at least there will be the smell of honeysuckle and sweat
in my mother’s hair as she held me to her chest as I came fresh from the womb
and there will always be those fluorescent lights.
© Erek S., Wolfforth, TX
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 216 comments.
I am above the age now to be on teenink, but I just want to say I have come back time and time again to read this poem, because it is so sweet and it reminds me of all the good things to come, the good things that have been. And even if things don't go the way I want them too, the simple beauty and love in life will be there, and things can't always be good, but rather sometimes it's just about all the experiences we have. Anyone who doesn't "get" this poem or feels it doesn't follow a linear line, is because it doesn't follow a linear line, it is luicid, transcending ages, times pointing out flasbulb memories. Anyway, I figured if a poem of mine impacted someone like this I'd want to know, so great job, it always cheers me up.
BeLoveToday PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 5 2012 at 10:01 am
I really enjoyed this poem, thank you for sharing. Though the general idea of remembering what's important in life is not a new one, you came at it with an entirely novel approach in this poem by questioning "How many?" of little everyday moments. My favorite lines were "I imagine there will be enough smiles and enough tears that I wanted to I could flood the city of New York and swim through those blurred lights in the dead of an August night and sing along with the crickets and the distorted sound of drowned car horns." Very original and poignant imagery. My only criticism would be in the first half of the poem, sometimes it becomes a bit wordy with smaller cluttering syllables. Try to rephrase your thoughts a bit in order to make the lines more concise and your ideas will be expressed more clearly to the reader. If you can, please take a minute to read some of my poetry and comment with your thoughts. Thanks so much! ~Isabelle
RandomPoet SILVER said...
on Sep. 15 2012 at 1:11 pm
Who do you think you are calling me a liar! You are not me You dont know what i felt, you haven't felt my emotions. You and i are totally different human beings and we observes thing totally different. So next time you call someone a liar think about what i just said first!
Its.beautiful. BRONZE said...
on Sep. 14 2012 at 12:54 pm
You are truly a liar. This poem has absoluetly no purpose or meaning. What emotions were so called provoked from this poem, other than nausea? Clearly constructive critisism is not your specialty. Do better.
Its.beautiful. BRONZE said...
on Sep. 13 2012 at 1:05 pm
This poem was most definately original. Having read this poem repeatedly I found that it has absolutley lost it's purpose...whatever that purpose may be. Seeing that you have used different settings and metaphors throughout the poem ( ex: a closet, a girl's house, fingernails, fingers, palms, etc.) Where are you taking this poem? What should the reader/audience/ I / ME.... recieve from reading this. I must applaud you for using good "pieces" of imagery, individually, but together--- No. Your transitions between settings and ideas were very poor and confusing. Almost to the point of frustration. Are you dead? Were you dead? Explain. Needs work.
Its.beautiful. BRONZE said...
on Sep. 13 2012 at 1:05 pm
This poem was most definately original. Having read this poem repeatedly I found that it has absolutley lost it's purpose...whatever that purpose may be. Seeing that you have used different settings and metaphors throughout the poem ( ex: a closet, a girl's house, fingernails, fingers, palms, etc.) Where are you taking this poem? What should the reader/audience/ I / ME.... recieve from reading this. I must applaud you for using good "pieces" of imagery, individually, but together--- No. Your transitions between settings and ideas were very poor and confusing. Almost to the point of frustration. Are you dead? Were you dead? Explain. Needs work.
I must say that this is the best poem I have ever read on teenink. Don't let it go to your head this poem is only slightly above average. The fluidity of the poem is cohesive. I didn't mind the subtle rhyme. I liked your use of figurative language. The imagery was vivid and not cliche. The meaning of the poem was adequate. It somehow managed to hold my attention. You have potential.
Ali_Consinopile BRONZE said...
on Jul. 9 2012 at 5:46 pm
This is Truely amazing and i felt as if i was in your place
purple_panda said...
on May. 4 2012 at 7:20 pm
Really strong emotions
purple_panda said...
on May. 4 2012 at 7:20 pm
Really strong emotions
RandomPoet SILVER said...
on May. 4 2012 at 9:05 am
The emotion hit me and I instantly felt as if I was there. I loved it you did a wonderful job. It was truly amazing.
Emma Valley BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2012 at 1:26 pm
I really enjoyed the relatable qualities within this work. I found myself looking back at my past as I read through this poem. The imagery is the reason I like this piece.
belieber said...
on Apr. 12 2012 at 8:43 pm
this was so good! it was amazing how you can come up with such beautiful words that flow like this.
JustMeBeingMe BRONZE said...
on Apr. 12 2012 at 5:27 pm
this poem is deep. i love it. It shows emotion and i can just feel the mood speaking to me. Great work. Keep it up!!!!
Lily_Reeds BRONZE said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 10:08 pm
This is AMAZING I love it! Everyone please check out my work!
Swims.M.V. GOLD said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 9:21 pm
Beautiful :D I loved it
CreativeAngel SILVER said...
on Feb. 28 2012 at 11:03 pm
Absolutely amazing! Really moving
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Favorite Quote:
You don't need anybody to tell you who you are or what you are. You are what you are !<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> ~John Lennon