I used to know myself,
The strange inkblot of a girl
I found lurking at the edges of my mirror,
The unfettered weather balloon,
The abandoned amusement park,
The perpetually revolving door,
The unstruck match.

I could not bring myself to love her
But I was learning how to stop hating her
For having the nerve to continue breathing,
How to forgive her for the choices she made
Backed into a corner,
How to stop trying to throw her off of buildings

She is gone now,
Swallowed whole by this disease
That is eating away at my brain,
Silenced by the stigma strangers pressed into her skin
Without even knowing her name,
Borne away by the monsters
That always knew right where to find her

I have gone looking for her
But leaving my bedroom gets harder every day,
I avoid reflective surfaces at all costs now,
In her place she has left me
A sunken eyed skeleton,
A wingless bird,
A locked door,
Lungs full of water

I am forgetting the sound of her laugh
But I cant help but cling to the hope
That she is still out there somewhere,
If you see her
Tell her that I understand now,
That I do not blame her,
Tell her that I am not her fault.