As I sit here with silent tears,
Watching you throw your life away,
Watching you kill yourself from the inside,
Watching you kill me with the lack of regard to how I feel about this.

Watching you watch me die inside
As you ask me “Are you mad at me?”
How in the world could I not;
Watching you break your promise time and time again?

Watching you smoke that cigarette,
Knowing all that could happen,
All that could go wrong,
But doing it regardless.

Regardless to what I fell
Regardless to the side affects
Regardless to the aftermath.

So am I mad?
Yes I am mad,
I’m furious.
And you? You are selfish.

Selfish for knowing that you’re all that I truly have,
Even those I love aren’t truly mind,
Not like you, not anymore.
Selfish for being careless enough to risk your life,
And leave me without you.
Selfish for hurting me with your broken promises
And pleading eyes.

Pleading me to understand,
Pleading me not to be mad,
Pleading me to ignore my hurt,
Pleading me to forget the smoke.

And I do understand-you’re stressed-
But every time you become stressed,
Will you hurt me?

So I ignore your pleading eyes,
Because I am mad,
I am hurt,
And I will never forget.
Nothing you do will ever make this go away,
I will always wonder,
I will never trust
I will not sit here while you cry wolf
And tell me you will quit.
I will not believe that you will ever truly quit.

So as we sit here,
With your question in the air,
I tell you my half-a** answer
In hope that you will see.

I tell you “I understand but…”
I do not finish, I will not finish
If you know me like you say you do
You should understand my pain.

As you turn to apologize
I turn to hide,
Hide the pain,
Hide myself,
Hide as my silent tears beg.
Beg you to stop.
Beg me to cry.