My throat burns as I choke up water
My eyes drift open
My surrounding become clear
But still not understandable
Confusion.

Again.
Another seizure
We don’t know the cause
We don’t know the problem
Fear.

The ambulance ride is just as dreadful as the first
Not again, Not again
I can’t go through this again
Frustration.

Why
Why do you keep doing this?
My brain revolts against me again and again
Anger.

3 months of waiting
Finally permitted
10 days
Then it is gone
The privilege is taken away
Here goes another three months
Disappointment.

Everyone was watching
Everyone saw me submerge in the pool
But never saw me come back up
Everyone stares
Embarrassment.

Claire saved me
My best friend saved me
I would still be at the bottom of the pool
I’d be dead
If it weren’t for her
I can never repay her
Gratitude.

To wake up with no sense of what’s going
To wake up alone and scared
To wake up unable to move my body
Torture.

My family cries
They worry
They spare
They regret
Their pain is due to me
I am the cause of their pain
Guilt.

The IV hurts
The firm bed hurts
The bruises hurt
The headache hurts
Everything hurts
Pain.

Confusion
Fear
Frustration
Anger
Disappointment
Embarrassment
Gratitude
Torture
Guilt
Pain
And this is only the beginning.