I remember the first time it happened to me.
I was only looking at him,
my best friend,
during a sleep over.

We were young enough that it was still cool.

He had his shirt off, and was lounging on his mattress,
placed on the floor next to my bed.
We were talking about nothing,
really. The day to day things of videogames, and people.

He was smiling, and laughing about something I said.

The thought invaded my mind.
You could like him.
I pushed it away.
No I couldn't.

I could only suppress so much.

Years passed, and it happened again from time
to time. Those random thoughts, directed at different people,
different guys. It's just part of growing up, I told myself.
There's nothing wrong with you. I knew I lied.

First there was Jimmy, my best friend.
He had blue eyes like no one else’s I’d ever noticed.
He moved in eighth grade.

Then there was Sam, with a killer smile,
and killer confidence to boot.
I never even had a chance.

There was that guy I never knew the name of,
because he was a senior,
but he had his ears pierced.

Then you hit me.

You hit me like a pile of boulders,
right to the rib cage. It wasn't the moment I
saw you. Oh, no. You were much subtler than
that.

You didn't even have to say anything.

You flashed me a friendly smile, a pleasant
wave. You made me feel
welcome, as if I was a fool, for
thinking I was different.

I couldn't believe it.

You were the new kid. It was supposed
to be you who was being pulled into a group,
not the person who had gone to school here
all the way through senior year.

But you saw right through me.

You knew the moment you looked at me,
what I was. You were open,
and people accepted you. I would not be received the same.
And yet,

I fell in love.

Head over heels into a flaming pit of boiling
lava. I couldn't stop if I tried. And you coaxed me
out of my shell. Told me to tell people
who already knew the truth, because they were my friends.

And they had already noticed.

And they accepted us.

You're not so different after all.