For me, personally, this poem is slightly too prosaic. I'd prefer a little more poetical elements to it, for a flowing poem. I like what you're saying in the poem. I like how most of your poems have this "she" person. It makes the reader wonder who "she" is. Just expand your poem a little more. Who is this other person? What are her internal thoughts? What does she think of this other person? It's not enough to say she loves him, he's her Romeo. You need to elaborate those feelings. Become "she" if you aren't her. It's a tough thing to do. But you have to become vulnerable, become the speaker and whoever the poem is about. Only until then will your poems seem personal and genuine. Again, don't take this the wrong way. Keep writing, even though it's hard. All you need is to harness your talent.