I am so afraid of failure.
It is my one fear.
I am so scared of disappointing.
I can't see past the anguish.

So many look up to me.
Even those I haven't met.
I am watched constantly.
I don't want to give a bad example.

I am afraid people won't love me.
I am scared my parents won't
Accept me.
I am terrified that I won't be Good enough.

I want to be a leader.
Someone others admire.
A person who has it all together.
Someone to inspire aspirations.

If I fail, others may lose hope.
I could cause others to fall.
I feel so guilty.
When I'm not perfect.

I am so competitive.
I want to be the best.
I want to be noticed.
I want to be loved.

I want to be lovable.
Someone that everyone likes.
A person who is idolized.
Someone that is good.

The only problem with all of this:
It is all for naught.
With all of my attempts,
I am still never perfect.

I am never the best.
I am not always loved.
I am not always good enough.
I am always left empty handed.

None of these efforts prove to be Anything.
They always end in disappointment.
Even when I don't admit it;
I hide behind the mask.

The mask of joy
Of happiness
Of contentment
Of perfection
Of success.

I crouch low behind the facade.
Behind it all, I am only a
Frightened child.
Longing to have something more.
Something to fill the void in my Soul.

Longing to be truly loved
To be fully accepted
To be wholly broken
And remade into who I am supposed To be.

All I want is authenticity
Legitimacy validity that I am me.
I want to be who He has called me To be.

I have to give up the drive for Perfection.
For competition.
For acceptance.
I have to give up the guilt.

I have to leave the lie behind.
Start fresh.
Get out from behind the mask.
Begin anew.

Accept failure as a learning opportunity.
It is okay to fail.
It is okay to cry.
It is okay to not be okay.

He loves me for me.
He is never going to leave me.
He is always there.
He wants me to love him.
He wants me to give up myself.
To take up my Cross and follow Him.

He is the only one who was perfect.
I have already failed in this life.
He still forgives me.
I have already disappointed.
He still loves me.
I have already "not fit in".
He still accepts me.
It doesn't matter what I do.
What this life brings my way,
He is there.

He is standing in my corner.
He will never fail, never Disappoint, never leave, never Forsake.
He will always love me.

There is no reason to be afraid.
He has my back.
I will fail.
It is inevitable.
He will be there to pick me up,
Dust me off, and put me
Back on track.

It doesn't matter what happens.
Everything will be okay.

"All things work to the good of those who love Him."

Even when I fail, He is there.