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Rock Bottom

August 6, 2011
By JerseyGirl716 BRONZE, Central, New Jersey
More by this author
JerseyGirl716 BRONZE, Central, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." -Eleanor Roosevelt

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You tear me down.
I hit the ground.
Crumpled and broken,
With words left unspoken.
My feelings were bottled,
But you've hit the throttle.
They shoot up to you--
Sadness dyes my soul blue.
Did you even catch them?
Did you even care?
Were they just another thing
You let my shoulders bear?
Tears, return, repeat;
Forever the same beat,
In this game we played.
Too weak to go...
I stayed.

© Lyra T. Orondo, WA

The author's comments:
When people tell you they're the best thing that ever happened to you, but they really treat you like dirt... let them know they're really your rock bottom.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 18 comments.

WrittenEmotions PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 16 2012 at 6:27 pm
WrittenEmotions PLATINUM, Fairhope, Alabama
32 articles 0 photos 209 comments

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The only people who don&#039;t get anywhere are the people who don&#039;t dream of a better place for themselves...

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Whoa... Explains a similiar situation with me... I love this!
just-a-joy GOLD said...
on Sep. 15 2011 at 4:41 pm
just-a-joy GOLD, Indianapolis, Indiana
12 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
Eminem: Success is my only option, failure&#039;s not

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beautiful if you can read some of my stuff an tell me what you think
A_____ said...
on Aug. 24 2011 at 7:45 am
A_____, Columbus, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 133 comments
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Wow, that was very nice!  I liked the line about dying your soul blue and the rhyming was really concise and poignant. Great job!
Avenging_Angel PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 24 2011 at 12:32 am
Avenging_Angel PLATINUM, Cleburne, Texas
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Its really good it doesn't need to be changed.in my opinion:)
PhoenixCrossing GOLD said...
on Aug. 21 2011 at 9:49 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 178 comments
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This is really good as well! I love how it rhymed and also how it changed rhyme scheme. The only thing is that maybe it'd be easier on the eye and the mind if you changed stanza when you changed rhyme scheme!
Hazel-daisy GOLD said...
on Aug. 19 2011 at 8:36 pm
Hazel-daisy GOLD, --, Other
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i really like this too! it flows really well, and i love the word choice..:)
PaigeStreet PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 19 2011 at 6:04 pm
PaigeStreet PLATINUM, Juneau, Alaska
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I'm glad to see you kept the last three lines- they're my favorite!
BetweenWorks SILVER said...
on Aug. 18 2011 at 5:12 pm
BetweenWorks SILVER, Charlotte, North Carolina
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Wow it flows almost like a song. Good job
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 6:04 pm
Jessi_suarez1 GOLD, Kissimmee, Florida
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well done! i like the flow of your words. brava
WishfulDoer GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 5:24 pm
WishfulDoer GOLD, Portland, Oregon
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I looove this poem! again, this hits home...Keep writing!
hworld123 SILVER said...
on Aug. 17 2011 at 5:13 pm
hworld123 SILVER, Boston, Massachusetts
9 articles 0 photos 7 comments
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I think that your use of periods was too frequent... it feels dramatic at parts (which I like), but mostly it hurts the flow of the piece. The end sounds a little weird to me for some reason... Overall, I liked it though. 
Kev-Girl SILVER said...
on Aug. 16 2011 at 3:42 pm
Kev-Girl SILVER, Plymouth, Indiana
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hey good job on this! i realy like the meaning behind the story!
megsloveslions GOLD said...
on Aug. 16 2011 at 1:35 pm
megsloveslions GOLD, Thomasville, Pennsylvania
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Really good, nice use of imagery and rhyming.
cheryl0424 said...
on Aug. 15 2011 at 6:05 am
cheryl0424, West Covina, California
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

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&quot;We don&rsquo;t read and write poetry because it&rsquo;s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, &ldquo;O me! O life!&hellip; of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless&hellip; of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?&rdquo; Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?&quot;&mdash;&ensp;John Keating

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Good tone. I liked a lot of your word choice. Also, I liked the "dying the soul blue" imagery. Very nice. 
WithPenAndScript DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 9:56 pm
WithPenAndScript DIAMOND, Venetia, Pennsylvania
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I can realate, good poem :)
Regs_the_Shorty GOLD said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 7:40 pm
Regs_the_Shorty GOLD, Frankfort, Illinois
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I thought it was good and I saw nothing wrong with it. Great job :)
JoPepper PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 3:31 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
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I really liked this good job I liked the "My feelings were bottled, but you've hit the throttle"  Good job keep writing!!!! :D
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 14 2011 at 12:12 am
IAmWhoIWantToBe PLATINUM, Manila, Other
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The only problen you have, I think, is your use of punctuation marks. Anyway, I hate it too when people treat me in contradiction to what they tell me I am to them. >:'>