I don’t know how to spell out
My emotions
If only I could tell you
Of my physical pain, fears
That torture me endlessly
I still wouldn’t,
You lost that chance
You would never know
Never be able to understand
How I cry myself to sleep at night
You would overreact
I am afraid of
What would happen
If I told you about nightmares
My exhaustion
I feel alone
You would blame it all on yourself
Guilt would forever
Weigh on my heart
If you were to know
About the scars
I would never, ever be trusted again
You would worry yourself crazy
Protecting your perfect family from me
I would never be allowed
To forget the pain I put you through
You would hate me forever
So I think now
You can’t understand my basic feelings
Let me try throwing this ugly mess at you
Leave it to be cleaned up by your worn hands
This could never, will never happen
I couldn’t break you like that
Couldn’t tell you how it felt
When his hands were on me
I just can’t