Internal War
To be a leader, to want, to desire, to love, to live, to long, to wonder, to marvel, to inspire. Whether it is futile or not, it is justified, for it is nature. I long for happiness, for love, for comfort and for peace. I long for God; for life and for freedom. Is it by my own folly that all these that I yearn I let rule and guide my current being? Is it by my own folly that I let even my emotions rule my current being? These emotions, they shape me, they make me, they burn with in me. How then must I let loose from them? How then must I go on living if Iam ever enticed by their very existence within me. Is it not impossible for us to be estranged for we are one? When Iam most at calm, I find peace, I find rest, I find life, and I find God. This world is unkind to me, and so to you. I sit for a minute, nay, a second only to try to embrace the universe, but alas, I cannot do even that. I am ever running and never stopping; always asking, always seeking, always knocking, always pleading and ever shunned. What am I to do? What is it that the Almighty requests with my poor soul? Why musn’t thou tell me so! Limping! Iam limping! Vision! Where fore is it? I have none! Strength, adieu! Left me helpless as a babe! Courage? Mockery at its best! It has vanished, like a vapour in the wind, never to be seen again or felt encore. Perhaps my cry is that of a slacker, a lazy bum! Perhaps Iam to learn from this all. Nevertheless, if this holds to be true, what knowledge of this am I to attain? For what good can result from such pain and misery? My God my God, wherefore art thee? Save me from this internal war, yes, the one in me.