Drowning.
Drowning into the ocean of
cold, treacherous sorrow.
Loneliness-
colder than the waters
of my sadness.

Struggling to reach the top.

What will greet me when I surface?
Love, Happiness, Acceptance?
Fear, Torment, Grief?

All they do is use me.
Do I surface, floundering to the top
When all I get in return is more
struggle?

Or do I finally let myself be free.
Allow the deep waters of hatred take me in,
Toss me around,
Make me feel beaten and broken,
And let me
die
there.

I begin to search for air-
The light at the top of the water.
until the undertow of my subconscious mind
takes over my will.

Have I lost?
Or have I won?