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Is this really success?

November 1, 2010
By A_shy_dove GOLD, Hubli, Other
More by this author
A_shy_dove GOLD, Hubli, Other
10 articles 1 photo 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never compare your life with others, as you have no idea what their journey is all about.

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I drown in the ocean of desire,
I get burned away in the fire of malousness.
No, don't try to save me from the consequence,
as I want to know the extent of my callousness.

I get buried under the earth due to low self esteem,
I fly away to be lost in air like ash.
I scatter throughout the floor like marbles,
I burst like an overfilled balloon.

My individuality is receding away like eroded soil,
I an becoming hollow from inside.
Yes I am drenched in success, but it's a toxin,
and it attracts only and only parasites.

All I am left with are rectangular pieces of paper and creeping worms,
and I've lost the ability to recognise my benefactors.
When I look back, I see only transient footprints,
I watch them helplessly being washed away from the tide of my ignorance.

© Aaron B., Eagan, MN

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 8 comments.

A_shy_dove GOLD said...
on Jul. 17 2011 at 7:28 am
A_shy_dove GOLD, Hubli, Other
10 articles 1 photo 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never compare your life with others, as you have no idea what their journey is all about.

View profile
Hi Raven. Thanks for commenting about my poem. And you have correctly thought about the subject of my poem I have just tried to imagine the mental condition of the so called successful people.
Thesilentraven PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 16 2011 at 1:46 pm
Thesilentraven PLATINUM, Mableton, Georgia
40 articles 2 photos 1632 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;il piu nell&#039; uno,&quot; (according to Emerson, an Italian expression for beauty)<br /> <br /> &quot;Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality&quot; ~Emily Dickinson<br /> <br /> &quot;The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain&quot; <br /> ~Kahlil Gibran

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Hullo, Dove. It's been quite a while.

I loved the way you described (what I thought to be) the falsity of what most of society is striving to become. I found that the first stanza was the most poetic, and the third stanza the most revealing. The entire poem, together, was grandly stated.

 

A_shy_dove GOLD said...
on Jul. 12 2011 at 12:29 am
A_shy_dove GOLD, Hubli, Other
10 articles 1 photo 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never compare your life with others, as you have no idea what their journey is all about.

View profile
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou and thankyou. 
Boosflash DIAMOND said...
on Mar. 14 2011 at 11:40 pm
Boosflash DIAMOND, Papillion, Nebraska
55 articles 0 photos 2066 comments

Favorite Quote:
What the front door.

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This is freaking awesome captain. They really should throw you in the mag. I am so loving the last line. and the second sentence in the last stanza. it would be conducive for you to do your dance at the time which is now.
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 20 2010 at 5:49 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2206 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity. <br /> ~Amoniel<br /> <br /> "Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'" <br /> ~Thesilentraven

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I'd love to :)

Here they are:

Mud stomp The forever war My inspiration. (My generation) Stray thoughts Echoes
A_shy_dove GOLD said...
on Nov. 20 2010 at 1:56 am
A_shy_dove GOLD, Hubli, Other
10 articles 1 photo 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never compare your life with others, as you have no idea what their journey is all about.

View profile
would you please tell the names of some of your creations? i'd like to enjoy some of them.
A_shy_dove GOLD said...
on Nov. 20 2010 at 1:51 am
A_shy_dove GOLD, Hubli, Other
10 articles 1 photo 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never compare your life with others, as you have no idea what their journey is all about.

View profile
Oh! I should thank you for the praise. Thank you for commenting. You made my day!!!!!!
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 16 2010 at 4:37 pm
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2206 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity. <br /> ~Amoniel<br /> <br /> "Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'" <br /> ~Thesilentraven

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I rather like this, it has some seriously awesome lines. Your imagery is incredible in a lot of your lines, as well.

Thank you for sharing :)