What would people think
if I came without my mask in place
with my feelings all jumbled up
and so terrible revealed?

Would people take advantage
of my scatter-brained
defenselessness?
Or my unknowing vulnerability
as I try to get my thoughts
in some kind of order?

Would I become their pawn
as I struggle to find myself?
Or would I trust them
only to be betrayed?

It would hurt so much more
if it played out that way
for that was the purpose
of the mask the first time

But after I had used it once
it became addictive
because it was easier to hide myself
than to deal with what the world threw at me
as myself