Every time that I close
my eyes, I know that I will see you.
Every time I open my eyes,
I know I will either awake in peaceful bliss
or heart-wrenching, uncontrollable sobbing.
My mind gradually slips into unconsciousness;
the content of my dream yet to be determined.

It all starts out the same– a sunset.
The last moment I shared with you; the last moment
before everything changed.
The scent of salty sea water lingers around us
in a fog. Each step in the sand making a path
as we walk aimlessly down the shoreline; looking back
I see a distinct point where the footprint path began,
and vaguely wonder where it will end; I know it always will.

I know that tonight will be a dream,
that my fantasies will take over,
blocking out reality. The truth slowly comes apart
at the seams, stitching fraying until a massive
whole emerges. I step through;
my fantasies are easier to handle than the truth.

We continue down the beach,
stopping to sit down on the damp sand.
You take my hand.
I feel you slowly trace the contours of my palm,
committing every line, every divot to memory.
You take both my hands in yours– they seem
so small in comparison,
but I know they are the perfect size;
we’re a match. They are the hands that
caught me when I cried; that held me as we danced;
that led me through the maze of my first love
and never let go.
Pulling me into your arms, we lay down in the sand.
I rest my head on your chest, feeling your heartbeat; it’s as familiar
as a lullaby. Pushing my hair back,
you softly whisper to me, “I love you, forever.”

Nightmare or dream– I’ve found I don’t care anymore.
Either way, I get to see you every night; this way,
it’s almost like you never left.