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Backup
I’ve never been anyone’s true, best-best friend
I’m second, a backup, left behind in the end
And then I met you three, I thought things had changed
That I wouldn’t be forever estranged
It was lovely at first; we all sat with each other
I loved each of you as a friend, as a brother
But now it’s all different, I should have foreseen
You just disregard me; I don’t know what I mean
You don’t even listen, it causes me pain
In ways that I can not express or explain
I don’t even think that I’m able to say
How my heart breaks when you push me away
Ignoring, rejecting and fleetingly kind
All I want is to state my mind
I think I can speak, but my voice is too small
I’m just a backup, after all.
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This article has 4 comments.
This is a very interesting poem. On the one hand, the rhyme scheme feels very amateur to me. For example, the rhyming of "foreseen" and "mean" especially in the context ("You just disregard me; I don't know what I mean"). It feels very forced.
On the other hand, you have some real gems in this piece. Like sydney_hope said, the last two lines are perfect. It sums up the poem and the feeling, the meter works and the message and story come across. Another two lines that I liked: "You don't even listen, it causes me pain/In ways that I can not express or explain".
So obviously, you have the raw talent. I don't know how many poems you've written since this (I'm in the process of looking through your pieces) but it seems to me that you just need practice and an "editor". Someone who you can trust to look through your work and speak their mind about it's imperfections. For me, it's my mom and one of my friends. You have to find your own, but from my experience it really helps.
I’m just a backup, after all." was my absolute favorite line. It was short but I really loved it. :)
You know who you are.