Buy it all—buy up everything

in the universe, and that gaping hole

in your mind still lingers and

lies prone around your brain.

I saw this hole as eternity, though

I knew I could never live up to that age.

I was consumed by guilt.

I am consumed by guilt.

I—I knew it was wrong to keep going.

I said it to myself bitterly every night.

I realize now that—

every breath that I took was a disgrace

to my cowardly mind, feeding into thoughts

and actions of terror and delusion;

every inch that I walked was an inch

to fiery regret, licking my charred face with

its volcanic tongue, its needle-like whiskers.

I failed. I failed to make myself happy,

and so I failed to show you who I really am.