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Summer Ruins
Pulling back the memories
I don’t know how to feel
Your hands on my body
Sometimes I wish I could feel
You made me hurt so many times
I built the relationships I need
But you tore me down
So I pushed them away
I lost not one
Not two
Not three
Not four
Not five
Not six
Not seven
But eight
Eight people I lost
Because I couldn’t lose you
So why do I still feel you at night
I don’t want to
I don’t wish to
I only wish to be free
Charles Dickens said it best,
When he said it to me,
“I only wish to be free;
The butterflies are free.”
How could you do all this to me?
Expose me.
Hurt me.
Threaten me.
I’ve not felt so alone in so long
Its been years
I’ve never felt the need to burn or cut
So strong.
I lost my mom
My best friend
My sister in christ
My future maid of honor
My sister
My brother
Myself.
How could you love me
as much as you say you do
And still hurt me,
still, destroy me all over again
I gave you chance
After chance
After chance
After chance
You destroyed me again
And again
And again
And again
But I snuck out
And I snuck you in
Such loneliness
But I craved your pain.
John, how I wish I could go back
Bring you to God and leave it at that
But I don’t regret a single thing I did
Because God knows we’re just kids
I wish I could change my decisions
But I really don’t
I just wish I could change you
But we both know
I won’t.
So thank you,
For a summer ruined,
Thank you
For my summer ruins.
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