Dear you,

Sometimes I just want more attention.

I crave it now, you never give though.

Maybe I'm just selfish for thinking that I need company.

Your right, alone time will do me some good.

Now I’m sitting thinking of how you left me, I start to hate,

Myself, you, the world, people.

Oh and how I hate people, the hate runs deep.

I find myself with the weapon you left as you walked out, the weapon that ruined our family.

The same weapon that you said,

“I’ll teach you when you’re older.”

“It’ll be bonding.” 

I should have known it was a lie.

But now with that gun in my hands I run out the house that raised me.

I run with the hatred  formed around me.

The anger fogs my vision as I turn off the safety.

I find the first person I see and…fire!

Standing still, I realize that I’ve just taken a life.

A life that may have wanted more, that never began, that was like me,

A life that may have always just wanted attention.

I hear sirens and drop the gun.

As I turn myself in, I think how my life would have been different if you’d just given me attention.

The first tears since I left the womb fell, knowing what my sentence would be,

The officer turns to me as asks calmly, “Who hurt you?”

With my voice barely holding on softly I respond, “You did, you were never there for me. You never told me you were proud or apologized for the trauma that you caused me. Now I sit here in the back of a car knowing my life is over. You lied and tore our family apart. All that I knew was gone. Worst of all, you never gave me attention.”

Trapped by the bars around me, I think…

I know you’re out there somewhere and even though my anger towards you still runs deep,

You were always right, I don’t need attention.

I just need you.

Love,

Me