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How Can I Be Jealous, if You're Already Mine?
It’s the way she called you stupid
And the way that you would laugh
It’s the way she grabbed your pen
But she wished it were your hand
It’s the way she wrote “it’s complicated”
And the way that you agree
It’s the way by only twists of fate
You two weren’t meant to be
While I stand a foot apart
And I watch her call you names
As I gaze into your dark brown eyes
Knowing you once felt the same
For the girl with the green pen
Who’s confident and smart
I’m only one foot away
But I slowly fall apart
I wonder what would’ve happened
If that day she had said yes
If all your years of longing
Were finally put to rest
Would she have bought you flowers?
Would she have held your hand?
Would she be standing a foot apart
And I be making you laugh?
It only took a moment
And then you turned around
You noticed how I faltered
Caught me before I touched the ground
I smiled as I burned inside
But couldn’t quite find the words
What was I even jealous of?
Your love was mine not hers
And yet the thought had crossed my mind
A thought that wouldn’t let me sleep
The simple phrase of “you and I”
But “I” could not mean me.
To the moon and back and round again
I love you to the stars
But stars die out a billion years
Before we call them ours
We only see the traces
Of a love that once burned bright
And of all the pretty faces
Her burden seems so light
Because you’re confident and she’s pretty
And you’re smart whilst she is sweet
I cannot help but ponder,
How I fail by being just… me.
It’s the way she called you stupid
And the way that you would laugh
It’s the way she lost her chance with you
A chance I wish I had.
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The events of this story took place at a Senior year yearbook signing. The poem itself was written on the sleepless night which followed.