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The End of It All
The End of It All
New York, New York, 1996 16:59
Elizabeth:
It’s a hole
A dark one
Its small and scarce
But it’s definitely still there
And so is anxiety
It’s the cousin of the bruises and the scars
And the hidden pain
The cousin of the end
A gun to my head
I don’t know what to do
Do I pull the trigger?
Do I not?
What happens when I’m gone?
When there’s just an empty seat in class,
And an empty room at home?
What happens then?
Will they notice?
Will they care?
Will they shake their heads in disapproval;
Like they normally do?
Will they throw away my things?
What will they do?
Will they cry?
Will they shake with disbelief?
No.
They will laugh
They will make fun
They will let the rain fall on my grave
If I even get one
How could they not see it?
The anxiety and the depression
They didn’t ask how I was
Or how I felt
They never cared
They never will
I’ll die in silence
The dark hole will,
No, has,
consumed me
It has destroyed me
I am a pile of ashes in the mind
Put together with the world’s
stress and anxiety
Why?
Isn’t there somewhere I belong?
Isn’t there some place I can feel
Important?
Does it matter?
It doesn’t seem like anyone else would care
But I do
Boom
I drop
I’m dead
It’s hot
Where am I?
I see a bus
The kids are laughing
Am I at school?
Why does my back hurt?
Is that blood coming from my back?
Or is it just from the bruises
The hidden scars of him
My World, Gone
Greenport, New York, 1996 18:15
Mary:
Another dreading day
Another dreading phone call
When I answer,
It’s panic
I know from when I
Start to pick up the phone
I get tense
It’s 911
Why are they calling me?
Elizabeth
She's been shot
Why?
By whom would my daughter
Be shot?
And why?
She was a good kid,
All A’s
Popular
Rich
What else could I have given her?
She had so much,
She was..
Shot?
Was it jealousy?
Did she have any enemies?
Was it..
Herself?
She was always in her room..
But they said it wasn’t possible
Then who was it?
And why?
Everyone loved her
Why would they shoot her?
How could they?
Wait, wasn't Billy there?
He is her father,
Shouldn’t he have protected her?
What has happened to my poor baby?
By this time we’ve discussed and
I’m almost home
They said her father called
As soon as he got home
He told them he got home early
To celebrate her party
But what if he wasn’t?
Did he even bring home a cake?
I’m home now
There’s no proof of a birthday
Not here
There’s no cake
No balloons
Only bullets
What if it’s him who did it?
I hear sirens, but I don’t see him
Or hear him
Where is Billy?
“Billy!”
I shout out his name
Over
And over
And over
There is no response
It was him
He did it
It was Billy
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