I said I wasn’t ready.

That was one of the toughest things

That I have had to say.

I’m not ready

And yet I want it all the same,

And that is where the disconnect comes into play.

Is there any worse feeling than wanting something

That you know you can’t have?

Every piece of music

And every flower by the sidewalk

Is now a painful reminder.

It all comes back to you, somehow.

God knows how even the sound

Of a blaring siren

Reminds me of you, somehow.

And as I result, I am caught in the crossfire.

Between heart and brain.

Body and soul.

I’m raising my shield

As I scream and yell

And fight the one person who has been by my side

For all the years of my life,

Until finally I yield.

And then a cardinal will fly outside my window

And again I will be thinking of you,

Because I know red is your favorite color.