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Inspecting lettuce
In Hebrew my name means “whom God showed favor on.”
you’ve probably seen that
on floral prints in a Christian book store
the names Hannah and Anna side by side
Anna comes from the Hebrew word
חַנָּה
Hannah
my best friend’s name
but I could never shrink small enough
to fit inside
wasn’t the small anna within those cute and curly h’s
wasn’t that
picture
perfect
pink
Christian girl
“whom God showed favor on”
I was
Messy
Self-righteous
Indignant
since those first days
I absorbed lessons and world-views
a wet sponge
the youth group’s walls dissolving around me
moldy remains
I loved Jesus
love Jesus
but he was always more than the painting of a white bearded man in the preschool room
to me
so when I went into the library and selected the books with colorful binding
I wasn’t disgusted
rather entranced
by the heroines who analyzed their faith
like skeptic children inspecting the lettuce
on their dinner plate
I liked asking the questions
found comfort in the mental exercise
sitting on Hannah’s polka dot bedspread
I painted my nails
electronic blue
and asked if she believed in 7th day creationism
11 years old.
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This piece explores faith and how it alters over time as well as what it means to be an intellectual Christian. It discusses some of the taboo aspects of religion and what "child-like" faith actually looks like.