and i truly do wonder if you were lying when you said you loved me,

when you gathered me in your arms and swung me around whilst kissing my head and telling me how proud you were,

was it real?

were the pictures you took with me as you smiled that perfect smile of yours real,

or were they a charade as well?

were you truly concerned about me when you called my school and informed them that you believed me to be suicidal,

or were you just trying to spite me one last time?

i would like to believe it was real,

i’d like to believe that the hugs and the i love yous' were real.

but deep down i know they are not.

but for now,

just while i recover,

would you mind if i pretend they were?