What am I?

I ask the universe 

It looks at me and smiles. 

I do not know what I am!

I cry to the universe

Who am I without you! 

I scream to the void

The universe is kind and offers advice

You are Yourself. 

It tells me

But what is myself?

I do not know

I am not here

I am not there

I am torn into shreds of fear and doubt

of what I have done and what I could be

I am not built for man

I am not a tool to use 

Until it breaks and is discarded. 

I am not to be touched

To be thrown

To be caressed without love

I am not for man to degrade and belittle

Oh universe what am I? 

Who can I become?

When I know in my soul that time is forgone

When I ask questions with answers too long.

I am not a sock that is missing its twin

Forever mismatched or never near skin. 

I am not a record

So scratched I skip and loop over the same line

Reliving the same day

I have been here before

Yet I never learn

I am not receding out of fear! 

Like a hairline past its prime

Abandoning ship like commitment in the wind

Leaving the distant scent of lime. 

I am not worthy

Nor important 

Nor in the present 

Time slips me in an instant

And leaves me begging for something persistent

In my life that might allow a hint of resistance 

To the never ending flow of the sea existent

But I don't exist! 

I fly aimlessly

Through clouds and sky

Waiting for a plane to pass me by

I pray for the end the darkness in sight

But instead I am met with a world full of spite

And hatred so keen it ties me down

And people obscene beneath their crown

I am nothing and everything all once

I am hiding and crying and down on knees

What am I Universe? 

You ask that of me

I am a flower that dies after it blooms

Ridding the earth of bright happy hues

Letting dull yellow take my place

As I fertilize the dirt

I am needed and helpful

But being that hurts

I am a lost and found 

A box filled with trinkets

Separated out into trauma and tears pressing into ingots

Of iron and ore

Each item with value 

You just abhor

I am tired and sad

Exhausted and feeling

Nothing much matters except for the stars

And maybe the sun because it warms my heart

And unchills my toes

And gives me near purpose

Oh universe, when will that feeling resurface?

I know what i'm not but not what I am

Please tell me universe, I thought you my friend

With me till the end

Of my string of fate

Pulling and tugging and snapping the string

No blades in sight just a piece of red twine

My time here is done but i'm so unsatisfied 

I'm begging 

Im screaming

Up to the sky

To whatever god will listen and maybe imply

That myself isn't good enough

That I need more

I don't identify as societies wh***.

I demand growth and respect

To be kissed by the wind

To be held by the hills

To sing songs with the birds,

And hear them sing back

My time may be done but I still wrack

My head around my failures and wins 

For myself feels like nothing

But my words feel like all

My purpose is paper 

And words and flow

To drown in the river 

To breathe in wet snow

I hear you universe. 

I am nothing but me

And though I wont appear in history

I will have loved just enough to keep my will strong

And when the clock stops 

Someone will sob

And I will be free of the chain on my roots

I will kiss the sun, Just as it kissed you

Goodnight universe. 

I thank you to hear.

You have helped me find everything that I hold near.