I was the silent sidekick. 

The shadow in the background.

I learned not all attention was good

And sometimes it's better to get none.

I've held the broken promises

Left scattered from loved ones.

Their sharp edges cut like daggers.

Drawing blood seems to be their only use.  

I’ve looked fear in his cold, dark eyes,

And learned he doesn’t travel alone.

Pain, anxiety, trauma

They like to tag along.

My friends have fled.

Leaving me behind, 

Like a lost toy in the depths of the moldy basement.

Untouched, forgotten.

But who needs them when paper always listens,

And pencils know nothing but forgiveness?

I’ve held dreams.

My arms reached out until they stretch no more,

Unable to give in to letting go.

I’ve been upset.

The upset where slamming doors and screaming into pillows

Are the only cure for the silent chaos.

I’ve lost joy.

My father’s last goodbye still at the edge of my mind,

Next to all the vivid memories I try to forget.