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regret is my imaginary friend
regret is my imaginary friend
he appeared when i was ten
when schoolwork and teachers
were easy to handle
and when my mom was sick
for we thought was just a flicker
of saddening things and
passing time that
would soon just disappear
regret is my imaginary lover
he confessed when i was eleven
on many nights when
the moon became stuck
covered by the dark blue sky
(a flickering web of stars)
and i let his forehead kisses
and all my misses
dissolve into his arms
regret is my imaginary roommate
at twelve years old we shared a space
and talked when we were alone
all about all sorts of things
especially when we were at home
i often thought back on things i’d done
(he traveled these thoughts with me)
but when i pulled back from the past
that’s when he drew away from me
regret is my imaginary foe
my torturer at thirteen
he laced my shoes and
nipped at my heels and
wouldn’t stop screaming at me
it went back and forth
between the two of us
he claimed it was a phase,
“it all will pass
and we can be
what we once
knew to see.”
like the year of loving eleven
regret is my imaginary abuser
at fourteen i was held closely
as he drug words across my skin
and watched as light bled out
from the cracks of what i had been
even so he was so sweet
that i just sunk in his ichor
and let him soothe me into sleep
pull the tears down my cheeks
until he smiled again
regret is my imaginary pet
my growing pup at fifteen
he followed me around the world
until my vision began to swirl
from the crimson loss of my ankles
as i walked and walked
and walked away
and he crawled behind my back
tearing the bandaids and
stitching me up
a cycle all over again
regret is my imaginary clone
he tells me what i am
even at age sixteen
i’ve given up on telling him off
and pushing him away
i think he’s here to stay, regret
that is, until today
he whispered oh so quietly
to write this poem of asymmetry
and held me close
kissed word-stained skin
slowly filling up the paper
and gently told me
a secret long kept
that actually he is me
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