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Alone
Alone
No, actually lonely
Being alone is better
Cause you can be with a group
People who you used to think
Were your friends
When they ignore you
Like you aren’t there
Never invited, yet always know every detail
People talk
People laugh
But they never tell you why
They leave you
Exclude you
Are too stuck up to tell you why
They get you out whenever they can
You are so down, but they can push you down farther, harder
Without warning
Ignoring doesn’t work
It only makes you feel powerless
It only tries to push away the feelings
They are already there
Every day
Every mean word
Every betrayal
Everything, everyone that you used to think were always going to be there for you
Help you
Stand up for you
Wait for you
Walk with you
Talk to you
Laugh with you
Gone.
Turn suddenly
Leave you
Go with new girl
Adopt things they should come up with themselves
Replaced so suddenly
Act like you are too stupid, to pick up
on the things they do, how they treat you
Smirks
Glances
Fake reasons
Fake apologies
Fake friends
Unanswered texts
Unanswered emails
Unanswered questions
Tear at your heart
You are still there for them
Still loyal
Still waiting
Still supporting
Still talking
Sometimes you are alone together
Talking
Laughing
Distant looks on their faces, in their eyes
Not focused
Not the friend you remembered
The behavior, how they treat you,
It spreads through the group like ink on wet paper
You are not you
You are silent
Afraid to contribute
Desperate to be accepted
Trying
Still kind
How much, I wonder was my friendship
worth to them,
If I was given up so easily
To short-shorts
“Fashion”
Skinny jeans
Nail polish
Adidas
Crop-tops
“Popular” girl
Looking so innocent
Masking her
Feisty,
Attention seeking self
Not caring
But strong willed
I’ve been hurt.
Too much, for too long
Longing to be noticed
To have fun
Be myself
Be respected
I’m tired of being a pawn
Being shoved around
Made fun of
Disrespected
Ready to burst into tears
This was not my fault
I have stayed the same
They are the ones who changed
I deserve better
Real friends
To be able to laugh
Have fun
Keep in touch
To be happy
This has gone on too long
I need change
People who are happy to see me
Greet me in the morning
Have fun, be myself, be happy
Now:
Smiles surround me
I’m laughing
A real laugh
My heart no longer heavy
People I trust
People I like
Around me
They respect me
Support me
Wait for me
Eat with me
Greet me with real smiles
Make me laugh
I feel safe
I feel happy
I feel the warmth of the sun moving high in the sky
But I also feel the tingly warmth of happiness, the feeling I thought I may never feel the same way again.
I am myself
I feel amazing
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At first, I wrote this poem for myself. So I could clear my mind without having to forget. My feelings have now been released, and I hope that this will help others have an outlet into what they are feeling, so they can accept, and move on.